Nepali Times
KUNDA DIXIT
Under My Hat
My letter to Kofi

KUNDA DIXIT


News that GP \'Sanubuwa\' Koirala and PK \'Awesome\' Dahal have sent letters to Kofi Annan has set off a chain reaction of letter-writing to the UN Secretary General by Nepalis from all walks of life who also want him to be their penpal.

So far, there are no reports of Kofi having replied to any of the letters, so the correspondence thus far is a bit lopsided. But the UN's office in Pulchok clarified in a press release that the secretary general intends to reply to all letters even if it means taking time off from his busy schedule meeting world leaders in Rome to negotiate peace in the Middle East.

Meanwhile, parliament's State Affairs Committee has issued a directive asking everyone who has written to Kofi to appear before the committee with notarised copies of the correspondence in triplicate. "Parliament needs to know what's going on, and it has the right to read private mail," Speaker Subhas Nemwang said.

Deputy Prime Minister KP Oli was summoned and after reading the prime minister's letter committee members declared that it could not be made public. Its content was deemed so embarrassing it would actually undermine national security.

Parliament hasn't yet summoned the Fierce One, but we have it on good authority that his letter is also a major national embarrassment.

However, by invoking the Freedom of Information and Citizens' Right to Be Embarrassed Act 2005 we can finally, in the public interest, reveal the actual contents of the letters:

Dear Kofiji

I am writing this to you from my hospital bed, so please excuse my handwriting. Hope your family is fine and you are in the best of health. They told me to write to you, that is why I'm writing to you. Drop me a line sometime.

Cheers.
GP Koirala
PS: Please burn this letter after you get it.


Comrade Secretary General Annan, Lal Salam!

As you know, even the unenlightened peasant is aware that democracy, parliaments, elections and freedom of press have remained, in so far as they did, a mere screen. They were utilised, when it happened to be convenient, to deceive the masses. The task of the dictatorship of the proletariat, on the other hand, is to break up the machinery of government created by the bourgeoisie and to replace it with a new one created on a different basis and recognising the machinations of running dog lackeys of global imperialist warmongers. But having said that, can I ask you a personal question? Who does your suits?

Long live COMPOSA, CRZ, M-L-M and the Path named after yours truly!

(signed)
Awesome

Hi Bro,
Long time no see, man. You must be looking forward to retirement, can't say I blame you given the kind of people you have to deal with every day. Here in Nepal we are still celebrating the demise of dictatorship and are in the process of undoing all the draconian laws enacted by the royal regime. And we are making fantastic progress. For example, just this week we lifted the ban on pillion riders wearing helmets that was enforced by our country's erstwhile tyrants in a flagrant violation of the Geneva and Rome Conventions. Next, we will allow drivers to use mobile phones again and even throw the handset out of the window when it doesn't work. The other thing we have done is honour the achievement of People Power II by turning the site of the biggest anti-king demonstration at Khula Munch into a landfill site for Kathmandu's garbage. As you can see, we will leave no stone upside down to make this democracy work.

See you around next time you're here.
Kunda Dixit



LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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