With so much happening these days it is natural for some earth-shattering bits of news to fall between the cracks. That is why from time to time it is the duty and responsi-bility for us in the know-it-all media to find the items that didn't make the headlines and bring them to the attention of our valued customers so that they are a matter of public record.

Non-working Journalists on Warpath
SELF-SERVICE MEDIA
Outraged journalists who did not receive handouts from His Erstwhile Majesty's Government (HEMG) have decided to stage a relay hunger strike and sit-in outside the Ministry of Infotainment from today demanding to be included on the list.

The Struggle Committee of the All-Nepal Non-Working Journalists' Confederation said the list was discriminatory and not responsive to the spirit of the Jana Andolan II. They issued a 39-point demand asking for transparency and an immediate resumption of envelopemental journalism. They also brandished placards that read: 'Some Journos Are More Equal Than Others' and 'Give Us Some Moolah Too'.

"The handouts helped journalists living from hand to mouth and also gave us a cash incentive to make things up as we went along," said a hack who got Rs 1 million from the royal regime to alleviate his poverty.

Other journalists who made it to the list for receiving Rs 5,000 or less also joined the sit-in but for a different reason. "What do they think, that we are so cheap to settle for just five grand?" asked one irate editor, "this is an insult and a slap in the face for all self-respecting journalists. I got much more than that." He was brandishing a placard that read: 'Pay Peanuts, Get Monkeys'.

Smoking Banned On Trekking Trails
BY OUR PULMONARY CORRESPONDENT
Nepal's activist judiciary is stepping in with public interest litigation, thelatest proof being the new law banning smoking in public places including the Annapurna Circuit.

"We can't allow Nepalis and trekkers to gamble with their lives because of the hazards of passive smoking on the trails," said a member of the two-judge bench, adding, "anyone have a light?"

The Supremo Court made the ruling after reviewing scientific evidence that walking for one hour on Kathmandu streets was the equivalent of smoking four packs of cigarettes because of pollution caused by adulterated fuel. Inhalation of cigarette exhaust would exacerbate health hazards, the study concluded.

"We had to ban smoking on overhead bridges because it is impossible to control fumes from cars," the justice said, "but our next step will be to ban breathing in all public places. We take citizens\' health very seriously."

Research has shown that many Kathmandu residents can now hold their breath for up to half-an-hour at a stretch while walking along the Bagmati at Teku without any untoward side effects.

50 More Deputy Prime Ministers
BY OUR SUSPENDED PARLIAMENTARY CORRESPONDENT
The government will soon expand the cabinet by 50 more deputy prime ministers when the Maoists join the interim government, bringing the total of deputy prime ministers to 52 and the cabinet strength to 165.

"Just having two deputy prime ministers was inadequate and there was some disgruntlement among those who were left out," said the government spokesman, "We are now looking at conducting meetings of the new interim cabinet at the Great Hall of the People at the BICC."

Constitutional experts said there are no statutory limits to the number of deputy prime ministers and the number can easily be expanded until everyone is deputy prime minister. "We are now in an inclusive democracy," the spokesman grunted, "So we can't exclude anyone from having a go at it."