In any other country they'd have thrown up their hands and given up by now. But not here in Nepal, because we are a hardy and resilient people who over the centuries have got used to being kicked around by our rulers.
It may appear to the casual outside observer that the government is stuck because it has been unable to expand the cabinet after ten days, but we know this is far from the truth. Hectic behind-the-scenes negotiations are going on even as we speak-not within the seven party alliance as you might expect, but between the seven party alliance and God.
The matter had to be referred to a neutral higher up authority because negotiations between the parties over portfolios was deadlocked over who would get to be the powerful Minister of Superstition and Black Magic. In ongoing consultations with the Almighty a breakthrough is expected in the next few months and once that happens, god willing, it will be smooth sailing.
God Himself is understandably worried about His status in the post-democracy period and whether He will still be allowed to rain thrunderbolts down from heaven when he gets the urge as He has been in the habit of doing. He may also be perturbed by the spread of atheists and agnostics amongst his congregation, but we would like to reassure God on that score. As a god-fearing nation most Nepalis would like to retain Him and his Pantheon as a tourist attraction. So no need for Him to panic just yet.
It is this belief in the occult in statecraft that sets us apart in the community of nations. When normal methods fail we have always turned to the paranormal. If there are important decisions to be made, we time our decisions to precise calculations of the position and movements of the moon and planets vis-?-vis Intelsat 5-B in geostationary orbit over the Indian Ocean.
If there are intractable differences we don't waste time in messy compromises, we simply wait for supernatural intervention. When the going gets tough the prime minister sacrifices a black goat. And when it is question of survival, one neutralises one's enemies by decapitating five species of livestock and domestic fowl to propitiate the wrath of the Goddesses. And if all that still doesn't work, one can always stick pins into stuffed dolls.
It is heartening to see that the government has got its priorities right and has set aside non-urgent matters like nominating a full cabinet and initiating the peace process to leave no stone unturned in overturning all decisions of the previous regime. Political appointees rewarded for their loyalty by the previous regime with ambassadorships will now be replaced by political appointees rewarded for their loyalty by the present regime with ambassadorships.
One of the first edicts passed by the autocratic royal regime last year was the rule requiring all brick lorries to cover their cargo with plastic sheets, and we are glad to report that since this is now a free country trucks are no longer required to follow this silly rule. U-turns are allowed again on Darbar Marg and streets that had been converted to one-way by the previous regime are now two-way again. The anti-democratic seatbelt law has been repealed and the draconian royal decree suppressing freedom of speech by banning use of mobile phones while driving has been annulled.
