Nepali Times
Under My Hat
Madam Chair and Respected Sofas


Speech delivered by the Joined Secretary of the Ministry of Women, Labour and Home Affairs on the occasion of the International Day of Women. (Please check against delivery.)

Madam Chair, Respected Sofas, Distinguished Desks, Honorific Ministers, Your Excellence the Donors, Members of the Muzzled Media, Ladies and, last and also the least, you latecomers at the back who are an utter disgrace to the male sex.

Now that Nepal Television has finally arrived and member states of the Much-maligned Movement such as Cuba, North Korea, Syria, Laos and Togo have shown that they stand shoulder-to-shoulder with us in our hour of need, we can with the permission of the Chair all heave a collective sigh of relief and move on quickly to the next item on the agenda which is the International Day of Women that we are about to mark today amidst much fanfare, tongue-lashing and lip-service. Since I don't see anyone raising a hand in objection, it is so decided.

Right at the outset before proceeding any further let me state that as far as we are concerned, and if it was up to us, we'd declare all 365 days in the year as International Days of Women. Hic. I think I speak for a majority of my male colleagues when I say that we would not be doing justice to the admiration, devotion and affection we have traditionally reserved for members of the female species in general and their Nepali sub-species in particular if we celebrated Women's Day only once a year. This is why we propose that henceforth every day be devoted to women except April First, which as a purely token gesture will be set aside by the United Nations as the International Day for Men. Going by the tumultuous applause, I hereby declare that motion passed.

I don't need to remind those of you present here that it is a scientifically proven fact that women hold up only half the sky. In fact, if it wasn't for us members of the unfair sex holding up the other half the sky as we know it would fall. However, it must be said that in Nepal women have taken great strides. Admittedly, these strides have not been as great as the strides we menfolks have taken but, hey, we're not here to gloat.

For example, us men have developed a great deal of expertise in vitally important activities such as making hilarious sounds by cupping our palms under our armpits. Too illustrate my point, let me demonstrate. Now, show me one woman who can do that. As you can see, the fairer sex has a lot of catching up to do to be at par with us men who are governed by the left hemispheres of our brain (unlike women who are governed by the western hemisphere). This evolutionary trait gives us males superior powers of deduction, analysis and an ambidextrous ability to scratch and sniff while simultaneously monopolising the tv remote. It is this capacity to multitask that makes men such great hunter gatherers to this day and this is why our country is in the state it is in today.

With that, I would like to end my two words so that I can get back home to watch myself on the evening news.

(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)