Nepali Times
Kunda Dixit
Under My Hat
The August House

Kunda Dixit

With only a little bit more training our Honourable Peoples\' Representatives could join the Nepali martial arts contingent heading out to Sydney. An intensive karate clinic to teach them deep breathing skills, exhalation and sudden shouts would ready them to battle with the best dans in the world.

I know talent when I see it. And looking down at the floor of the August House last week, I could tell that the honourable representatives of the Unified Marxist-Leninists are born sen seis. And for the first time in the history of this sports-loving nation, Parliament for half a day was turned into a dojo. The Representatives showed mastery of the three elements that every great karate expert needs: an instinct for speed, strength and technique.

During the first round, the UML\'s Resident Black Belt made a lunge from his seat, carried out two impressive triple flips down the aisle, and emitting a blood-curdling "NEEYAHAAHH!", pirouetted in the air to land a perfectly placed knuckle punch on the solar plexus of a rather astonished Honourable Member from the Nepali Congress.

That day, the Unified Marxist-Leninists showed why their forebears of the Great Proletarian October Revolution rocked the world in ten days. Following Lenin\'s famous advice to "take one step forward and two steps back" the Honourable Member from the UML then turned quickly around and placed an accurate reverse jump kick on another unsuspecting member of the ruling party, following it up quickly with a finger jab into his (the ruling party member\'s) eye socket.

If these were actual blows, these karate movements could have been fatal. It is a tribute to the non-violent nature of the Nepali people that all punches were pulled, tremendous restraint was shown. Some honourable nose cartilage got mashed, a groin or two needed first aid, a couple of earlobes were missing but in the spirit of this great sport, all participants showed supremacy in the kata movement routines.

By noon, the tournament was in full swing with the quarter-finals and semi-finals being waged in various parts of the August House. A particularly interesting bout was going on near the exit where an exasperated marshal was trying to untangle two MPs who, it seems, had mistaken the ongoing National Karate Championship Cup for the World Wrestling Federation-Nepal (WWF/N) Tournament.

While the Nepal Peasants\' and Workers\' Party cheered, the Unified Marxist Leninist MP had got the Nepali Congress MP in a firm half-nelson. The desperate Nepali Congress MP then stuck his fingers up the nose of his opponent, briefly easing the vice-like grip. The marshal, who was trying to play referee, himself got embroiled in this exciting match. After that it became a three-way fight, leading to an electrifying finish in which the judges pronounced the marshal winner.

Another interesting match was taking place under the Royal Sceptre. Two MPs had abandoned karate rules and had got involved in a Thai-style kickboxing match which was now in its final round. Two Honourable Members were using each other\'s heads as punching sandbags.

By the time the final bell rang, everyone present agreed that a good time was had by all and that such tournaments should be held regularly in future. If the August House was so much fun, I can\'t wait for the September House.

(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)