Only after the scientific community announced last week that forests don't just give off oxygen but also methane did it become clear that we have been barking up the wrong tree all along to counter global warming in this country.

His Majesty's Government seems to have known about this as far back as early last year, which explains why all the trees along Kathmandu's streets were chopped down following the royal movement and why the stumps have still not been replaced by new saplings.

What this discovery about trees as methane generators also means is that all our past efforts to expand this country's forest cover and contribute to a greener earth has come to naught. In fact, by increasing the tree cover in Nepal over the past 20 years it seems we may have actually made the earth warmer. Oops, now what do we do? Well, there is really no other option but to start destroying our forests all over again and not let them ever grow back. And we have no time to lose, so let's get cracking.

As responsible global citizens there are lots of other things we can do individually and collectively to stop the earth from heating up. So, in the public interest, we hereby list 10 ways we can all help lessen the impact of climate change:

1. Immediately set a time limit on speeches by the Second Vice- chairman to less than five minutes so that there is a check on the emission of hot air.
2. Stop breathing. Every breath you take consumes precious atmospheric oxygen and gives off harmful carbon dioxide. Remember every molecule counts!
3. Organise tantric rituals and make animal sacrifices at select shrines across the subcontinent to appease the gods.
4. Cut flatulence in cattle and livestock. There are an estimated 22 million cows and 17 million goats in Nepal and if all of them felt free to pass wind without let or hindrance imagine the kind of accumulation of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere we'd be left with. We're not even counting yaks and water buffaloes here and we all know how embarrassing those two can be in polite company.
5. Organise maha yagya in Tundikhel for harmony in the universe and burn 15 tons of rice seeds and feed 108 brahmins.
6. Immediately scrap the community forestry program.
7. Create artificial shortage of LPG but I notice the government has already thought of that this winter.
8. Soda contains carbon dioxide, a major greenhouse gas, so avoid it. Henceforth, take your double whiskey neat.
9. Burping releases greenhouse gases so burp in moderation.
10. Ask Pashupatinath one last time to protect us all.