It is that time of year again when it is mandatory for every respectable newspaper worth its salt in a civilized country like ours to take a retrospective of the year gone by and say: "Glad that one's over. Gimme another one."

This year we have taken the novel approach of inviting nominations for Best Headlines of the Year 2005 and have begun short-listing the well-deserved finalists. Readers will later be asked to vote on the basis of adults franchise for the best headlines, unless of course you decide to boycott the poll (naughty, naughty) in which case we have to think of something else to keep you busy over the holidays.

So, ladies and gentlemen, without further ado let's run down the headline-grabbing finalists and a round of applause for these actual news stories in actual hardcopy newspapers that shall remain nameless for the duration of this column. (Disclaimer: None of these headlines are from this newspaper which takes absolutely no responsibility for the veracity, if any, of the information contained therein in case feathers are ruffled as readers go on a wild goose chase, or if alleged feelings are inadvertently hurt. Conditions apply.) These headlines are brought to you by Nepal Engineers' Wives Society (NEWS).

Vegetable Farming Yields Fruit
Dhading-Farmers in Dhading have been astounded this week by the fact that their tomato fields have yielded a bumper harvest of oranges. "I think this proves once and for all that the tomato is actually a fruit," stated one farmer.

Flesh Trade Mushrooming
Kalanki-As the living standard of the Valley's middle class rises, so has demand on the flesh trade, according to Hoof and Mouth Pvt Ltd, meat packing wholesaler at Kalanki. The same, however, couldn't be said of the mushroom industry which according to latest figures has not been mushrooming at all.

Koirala Smells Rat on Thapa Stance
Biratnagar-President of the Nepali Congress, Girija Koirala, has once more sniffed out rodent activity in the vicinity of his ancestral home here, and has credited a keen olfactory sense bequeathed him by his forebears. "I can smell a rat even before it appears," Koirala boasted, "and I know Surya Bahadur is up to no good."

Cannabis Farming in Parsa Reaches All-time High
Simara-Excuse me, oijdf if I can't seem dkjf to type this jdf in straight;.[? , but it gives me great pleasure to ;ljklkjoi report that ganja harvests kdjf this year in Parsa was goooood, yar. "Yup, this is good sh%& and there's lots more where that came from," said a notoriously reliable source who was also stoned out of his %$#@ mind and didn't want his name disclosed. Roger, Foxtrot Tango Two, over 'n' out.

Headlines that made it to the Runner's Up List:
Man Renews Passport Before Expiry
Wild Elephant Injures Farmer with Axe
Two Trucks Collide, One Hurt

And Consolation Prizes to:
Nepal Goes to India
Nepal Goes to India Again
Nepal Still in India

Editors who recognise their headlines are requested to come and collect their prizes with me personally. Anonymity guaranteed.