Primordial Minister BRB has been accused by critics of behaving unconstitutionally. What else is the man supposed to do? If there is no constitution, everything he does is going to be unconstitutional. In fact, any step he takes from here on (announcing elections, remaining as prime minister, resigning as prime minister, keeping his coalition intact, forming a national unity government, flying business class to Rio (for the environment summit) is going to be illegal.

Being the cunning high caste communists that they are, BRB and PKD pulled the rug from underneath the clueless NC and UML and refused to compromise on federalism on Sunday night, announce elections and then heaped blame on the NC and UML themselves for obstructing the constitution. Poor Makunay and Jhusil didn't know what hit them. They were just sitting around twiddling their thumbs at Suchanay's office, and when summoned to Balu Water ostensibly to declare a state of emergency, PKD looked away and BRB didn't even meet them.

Will someone tell the glorious Nepal Army that the royal days are over, and they don't need to bring out the big guns and wake everyone up at an ungodly hour to welcome Republic Day in the same way they used to wake up Kingji on his birthday? On Monday, as everyone was hungover, the capital was awoken by the sound of heavy artillery opening up at the centre of the city. Is the NAHQ in austerity mode or what? The cannonade included only five shots, instead of the usual 31-gun salute.

Now that protest season is in full swing, Nepal's beggars have decided they will be choosers. Begging bowls in hand, they gheraoed a temple in Biratnagar last week to protest stingy devotees, and held placards demanding alms "no less than Rs 5". That should be do-able. What would be slightly more complicated is if they also wanted a non-territorial province. But if it's any consolation, given the national debt and our balance of payments deficit, the whole country can be set aside for us beggars.

And you thought the Bagmati intersection had traffic jams? Look at the gridlock this year on the Hillary Step on the South Ridge of Mt Everest. It got a lot of bad press, but Nepal's tourism authoritarians should be proud of what they have achieved. Royalty (don't we need to change that word in these politically correct times?) from mountaineering fees on Mt Everest alone this year surpassed $3 million. As far as Chomolungma goes, our motto should be: "Climb Mt Everest: The More the Merrier."

With the numbers of climbers projected to increase to about 2,000 per season from the Nepal side alone, we have to implement a Master Plan to ease future congestion on Mt Everest. The proposal calls for a cable car service with all-around glass gondolas from Base Camp to the South Summit from where climbers can take up-down escalators to the top where there will be a revolving restaurant and a coin-operated gas station dispensing artificial oxygen.

Now that Bohemians and Chhetris are also classified as aboriginals, maybe NEFIN should give membership to the upper crusts and call it a truce. That way, maybe Ashok Rai's Janajati Party can also get the Brahmin-Chhetri vote.

While everybody is wondering whether K-Town is going to be declared the capital of Newa Rajya, the capital of Tamsaling or the capital of SAARC, the Mule's mole in Balu Water reports that Com. Yummy has become so obsessed with the idea of settling down permanently as First Lady that she now regularly dons haku patasi and entertains Hubby's guests with a revolutionary menu of MoMo chas and Chhoila. The only departure from this was Comrade Hasiya's conspicuous commie red sari during the Republic Day function.

Now that elections are coming, shops are springing up with campaign paraphernalia like used tyres, placards, banners, and lathis. But the hottest items are effigies of various political leaders. There is even an effigy-on-demand shop in Lahan which can deliver a highly inflammable lookalike of BRB in half-an-hour.