This week we take a look at actual headlines from the national press and try to read between the lines.
Chhetris Declare Band
It was bound to happen sooner or later. Nepal's warrior caste closed down half the country on Tuesday, declaring it a Chhetri Chhetra. Friday the Federalist Janjatis (which this week lost its donor funding) have their own banned. Now comes news that Bahuns also claim to be Janjatis because, according to some guesstimates, they settled in Nepal long before, let's say, the Sherpas. If the Chhetris have their own province, the Bahuns and Dalits will be the only ones without a geographically-defined state of their own, and under Nepal's new constitution can claim inclusive rights. Right?
China upset over Taiwan Deal
It better be. Two months after reaffirming vows to its one-China policy, the JN govt goes off to coochi-coochi-coo with the renegade state and signs an anti-money laundering and counter-terrorism bilateral. This memorandum of misunderstanding is even more inexplicable than making Larkya Lama a short-lived minister. What kind of money launderers and terrorists does Taipei want extradited from Kathmandu anyway? And we hear on the grapevine that even angrier over this than China is India, which has been trying unsuccessfully to get successive govts in Kathmandu sign an extradition deal. Wait, are the two linked somehow?
Role reversals
The Madhesi parties and dons of the Kathmandu underworld seem to be on role reversal mode. Messrs Ganesh and Abhisek Lama are hobnobbing with Madhesi parties while Madhesi lawmakers are enjoying a much-deserved rest in various jails. Not that it made much a diff to the dons because their cells had cell phones so extortion, assassinations and business went on as usual. After Gayatri Shah and BP Yadav, six more lawmakers are headed for the can. The mafiosos, meanwhile, are seen gracing public meetings and rallies while the lawmakers expand their constituency among fellow-jailbirds who can be useful later on in their political careers as muscle-for-rent. Only a question of time, therefore, before Chari delivers an address to the nation televised live from his jail cell. Meanwhile, soon-to-expire CA members are experimenting with gender role reversals. A lady lawmaker got drunk and man-handling her husband in public, ensuring proportional representation in all state activities, and getting even for centuries of oppression.
Competition for New NEA CEO
Is this an open audition now? Going�going...to the highest bidder. Why restrict this to NEA, do it in NOC and NAC as well. In fact, the current practice of Pre-Paid nominations to state corporations should now be extended to all departments and ministries as well, especially juicy ones like forests, customs and hydro. Meanwhile at KNACK, Capt Limbu has locked out rival CEO Sugat Sir from his own orifice.
NOC's Evaporation Loss
No wonder our state oil monopoly is bankrupt. Every tanker ferrying kerosene, petrol and diesel into Kathmandu is allowed 200 litres for evaporation loss. Even when the ambient temperature is 50 Celsius, petroleum doesn't vaporise at that rate. But that hasn't deterred the men from the Ministry of Under-Supply, the Nepal Oil Corruption, and the Tanker Drivers' Cartel all taking their cut from the Rs 9 karod of petrol that is written off every month as evaporation loss. All this is perfectly above board and legal. And the reason there is a power shortage? All NEA staff are allowed 120 units a month free, and the public has taken its cue with 40 per cent of all power consumers in this country not paying for it. Tip of the Day: Another place to escape load shedding is Lazimpat, along the road where there are two important embassies and the vice president's official residence.
Minister Attends Queen's Birthday
Not Nepal's ex-queen, Britain's Queen Liz II. Bharat Mohan Uncle stood in tottering attention during the 'God Save the Queen', but couldn't help breaking into a wide grin and tap dance through our very own "Sayaun Thunga Fool Ka Hami". Our new national anthem is definitely less boring than God Save but "Resham Firiri" would have been even jauntier.