Political wrestling- Nepali Times

Civil servants, led by the secretary of the PMO, are off to climb Mt Everest this season. Can't blame them, they probably got bored waiting for a new government to be formed and needed some excitement in their lives. Also, they must want to get as far away from politicians as possible and to a place where the muntris can't bother them. The North Pole must have been their first choice, but why go there when we have Mt Everest right in our backyard? The Donkey's best wishes to Team Leader Lilamaniji and his mountain goats.

***

And over at the Constant Assembly, the Speaker seems to have given up on the constitution being written by 28 May even though his yar, Com Root Canal, is now PM. He is spending his entire day cutting ribbons, putting in some karate practice and watching rose petals being dropped from helicopters. So when the Nashnul Colishun on Rashial Dishcrimination wrote a dummy constitution, the Speaker was more than happy to give a speech and release it at a function attended by, among others, Com Yummy. If you can't write a real constitution, a pretend constitution will have to do.

***

Despite promoting political wrestling as a tourist attraction, here comes news that there are stern new travel advisories about the dangers of visiting Nepal during Nepal Tourism Year 2011. Good timing. Which leads the Asinine One to suggest that our Foreign Ministry should retaliate immediately by also posting warnings to Nepalis about visiting Bahrain (could get maimed in a jana andolan), Libya (could be shot at from helicopter gunships), UK (all non-essential families of Nepalis to leave because of the danger of random attacks on public transport), Thailand (Nepalis are warned that whatever they do they should not go to Bangkok wearing a red shirt), US (Nepalis working as gas station attendants are warned that there is a fairly good chance they will be shot at without warning), Australia (Nepalis should exercise extreme caution because they could easily be mistaken for Indians).

***

Instead of moaning and groaning about Americans declaring Nepal a No-Fly Zone, we should turn that into catchy slogans for our Tourism Year. Three creative jingles immediately spring to ass:
1. Nepal Airlines: No Plane, No Problem, No Fly
2. Visit Nepal, No Flies
Above 3,200m
3. Visit the Land of Suruwals: Look, Ma, No Fly

***

Which brings me to the news item in the Indian press about Nepali Maobaddies extorting the brother of a former Communications Minister in Himachal. The comrade must have thought, it is standard operating procedure back home, so why not extort the Injuns too and make them share some of the 2G scam loot? Our latest item of export: extort.

***

Chairman Awesome thought he'd pulled a really fast one by withdrawing his candidacy and making Jholanath PM to thumb his nose @ India. What's he doing, then, meeting Amresh Bhai every day at the premises of Sumargi & Son, Pvt Ltd? And if you think UML is having problems over portfolios, you should wait for the mother of all bandfands within the Baddies. The Pistachio Palace erupts every night with booze-ups led by Com Awesome, with Com Horrible, Com Hit Man and Com Ugly (btw: what is Com Sapkota doing heading the Tamang Autonomous Council?) in attendance. Com Napoleon is determined to keep Com Snowball out. PKD must have been scorned once more because he went to Bardiya and lashed out at the revisionists who were trying to keep him out of power, naming a large country to the south whose name begins with 'I'. After being heckled by families of martyrs, Fearsome did what he always does at times like these, blame the devil: "We aren't sheep, but we have been forced to behave like sheep. I assure you comrades, we will roar like a lion again."

***

Two papers are tied for the Headline of the Week Contest.

'UML Headed for Splitsville' 'JN-Oli Talks Come a Cropper'

The consolation prize (the Ass' favourite) goes to:'Mule Spills Beans on Fake Notes'

1. who cares
UML endorsing the 7pt secret agreement, at the same time, misdefining the main three points- commie constitution drafting, separate pla force and rotating pmship remind me of that joke:

where a son ask his father for 100 rupees.

then the father responses,

50Rs.!

why do you need 25Rs.?

try to manage with 10.

take this 1Rupee.

is uml trying to feed maoist with maoist's own medicine- misdefining, misinterpreting, dishonesty, lying, ignoring deal etc? interesting.

third gang/dai chure in uml had always been weakening democracy, irritating democrats, now looks like they will make maoist go nuts.

Posted on: 25 FEB 2011 | 3:36 PM NST

2. Torjan
In wrestling Glass and Cap not allowed , KeepMr. RB Koirala as refery/

Posted on: 25 FEB 2011 | 8:05 PM NST

3. N Jha
Visit Nepal: The only country where serious headlines read like a joke and jokes read like reality.

Visit Nepal: Discover how lucky you are to be just visiting. Visit Nepal: Discover why your life does not suck.

Posted on: 26 FEB 2011 | 10:46 AM NST

4. Organiser
Dear Audience, Respectfully We want to urge that Mr RB Koirala not available hence Mr. PN Yadava will perform his role further more Mr. Suwash Chepang and Mr Ram Bahadur Upadhiya in Judging committee. Anchor will be Devi Prasad.We like to hold National flags by YCL and Volunteered by youth force in Madale Cap.Thanks Every body enjoy the Event.

Posted on: 26 FEB 2011 | 10:56 AM NST

5. Professor
Dear Ass your quote "I assure you comrade , we will roar like lion again'' indicate that you want to picture them like carnivorous Lions. , This media tectonic to defame them . they all are gentle man voice together similar to voice of jackals (Apology with Exclusion for them who has developed democratic norms and nonviolence way to cultivate communism).donot deviate with Show MegaEvent.

Posted on: 26 FEB 2011 | 12:17 PM NST

6. slarti
While I agree with everybody's sentiment, I don't see why Visit Nepal campaign should be undermined by making jokes about it.

The thing may be a joke for us already, at least we should let the visitor's see the punchline for themselves.

Oi 'arry I jus' landed in Catmandu, and look, No Flies mate.

Golly mate, why are ya' in your jammies under a suit.

That be the King's paylaise, they made it a muzeum, and placed all the curiosities at BICC.

Posted on: 26 FEB 2011 | 3:00 PM NST

7. Mostly pointless
OK, I am having a really sad day with nothing better to do. So I am just going to bore the pants off everybody who has nothing better than to read this comment as well.

Argument in the family? Where to visit? What to do? No consensus? Visit Nepal: We are just like you.

Posted on: 26 FEB 2011 | 3:12 PM NST

8. slarti

Ass, I kid you not, and maybe this is just translation, and a little trickery but here is a copy paste from another site:

"On the occasion, Sonal claimed that not only TMLP but all parties associated with the Sanyukta Loktantrik Madhesi Morcha (SLMM) will not join the current government at any cost.

ï¿½The party has faith on the Constituent Assembly (CA),ï¿½ he said, ï¿½Provided that the CA fails to accomplish the statute drafting process,..........the party will resort to demonstration.ï¿½

Posted on: 26 FEB 2011 | 3:18 PM NST

9. Devi-Prasad(ANCHOR)
Respected Audience, Lal Salam
You are watching live , PK (223 kg ) and KP ( 108) , Due to over weight PK crowning on stage and KP Jumping at , Don' t confuse the name both has configuration of English Alphabets. Now look at score- Trojan. Game note yet final few points will added by Judges: huge Audiences from our both
neighbors come but due to language problem , not entertained well, Organizer should provide Score FLASH.

Posted on: 26 FEB 2011 | 3:39 PM NST

10. Bhaicha
The premises of SUMARGI and SONS, Pvt Ltd are growing,.
What a beautiful name; the one who takes the right path. It goes very well in the land of Tathagata.
So it is the right place to mee our friend who is our man south of our border. Comrade Amaresh. Sumargiand Sons must belong to all the worty sons of the worthy fathers; Gyandai's son-in-l Raj in particular and the son of the Maximum Leader Light -prakash including our Jewel in the Crown (although deposed) no other than Paras. , the Abool ,the Bulbul . the Amir.

Posted on: 27 FEB 2011 | 6:56 AM NST

11. Gole
Suruwals don't have usually a fly. . as the skirt-wearers r Scot-guards don,t wear underweas. So genuine Nepali wearer does not wear an underwear.as well. But now the suruwal -wallas; have devised one with the fly. They are mostly the ministers, more so of Dr. Khanal's. No shamewhile eating or while enjoying as the old saying goes in our landi
It reminds one of Beau brommel of Paris and his saying:" Now a days there are no longer ladies in Paris,'cause they all wear transparents."

Posted on: 27 FEB 2011 | 7:09 AM NST

12. CONSTITUTIONAL EXPERT
My friend ASS, The constitution of Switzerland very popular copy and paste
official translation in 2 week time enough. Don't use Devanagari script use Chinese and English , when urgency required for102 languages of Nepal will be used, Every language get access up to apex court and linguistic experts will be powerful incomprehension to CA'S-- dummy constitution of FDR-Nepal. Go for doping test of wrestlers before announcing CROWNING. Enjoy the event.

Posted on: 27 FEB 2011 | 10:25 AM NST

13. Khegarni
Visit Nepal 2011: Load shedding, Dust, Unions, traffic, insane politics, extortion & Maobadhis, no place better for investors.

Posted on: 28 FEB 2011 | 8:46 PM NST

14. Khegarni
Visit Nepal 2011: Load shedding, Dust, Unions, traffic, insane politics, extortion & Maobadhis, no place better for investors.

Posted on: 28 FEB 2011 | 8:47 PM NST

15. Devi-Prasad(ANCHOR)
Well friend The show not over yet, the initial doping test report test in state security council lab , state very dangerous drug Patriotism mixed with genocide (PMWG) whether allowed or not to be confirm in UNO-Lab.KP claiming not accepted in Wrestling judges are confused .... Look live from HOME. Jumping & Crowing-only sad news 5 year infant missing and 4 year killed . Audience take care please.

Posted on: 01 MARCH 2011 | 11:08 AM NST

16. AUDIENCES
My friend Ass, you are not fair at all, during this Mega Event Mrs. JHOSTO
pulling the tail of TORJAN and you don't use back kick, now public demanding full many back like VOTES for CAs.......Final Round Yet balance........ once more once more

Posted on: 02 MARCH 2011 | 2:32 PM NST

17. bichharibaaje
Random thoughts:
I am for Kaamred Hit Man as Nepal's Girhe-mantree!
Finally Kaamred Prachande Pratapi went close to where he really belongs, the sham wrestling show! Next time when this show comes to Gaijatraland again, let's push this guy inside the ring!
Mahara should be made Artha-mantree; he could rope in his moneyed friends from the middle kingdom and get couple of millions to tide over whatever deficit we have in our coffers.
We have to keep Lalldhoj also occupied somehow otherwise he would form an alliance with China and Amrika to bring down chhimeki mitra rastra and out do what Prachande Pratapi has already achieved. If we do not heed to his predicament, he might go further and align with Venezuela and bring down Amrika!

Posted on: 03 MARCH 2011 | 5:29 PM NST

18. Devi Prasad
Dear Audience,

The result of doping test highly affected due to unrest in Libya and tsunami in Japan. Indian experts are searching reliable lab in west hence result at pause but minor wrestlers are on the stage look their performances the best event in Nepali history....All set of winer not yet declared. Enjoy the event with trojan.

Posted on: 22 MARCH 2011 | 9:14 AM NST