The World Cup frenzy is already taking its toll on the Ass, what with all the late nights the donkey just hasn't been able to keep up with the gossip. But there isn't much to rumour-monger about anyway, everything is drowned out by the relentless sound of vuvuzelas from Sucker City. The Umpteenth High-level Political Mechanism-Cum-Committee (UHPMCC) set up to find ways to implement the Three-Point 28 May Agreement decided to go to Nagarkot to get down to brass tacks away from the football, only to find that Club Himalaya was projecting the opening ceremony live on the big screen. So they all ended up watching South Africa vs Mehico and to hell with the future of the country.

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Assome was determined this week to ignore the latest in the endless spat between Baddie bosses PKD and BRB. But the sidekicks of both comrades are feeding such juicy tidbits to a ravenous media it's just too tempting to ignore. Laldhoj's folks are openly critical of Bhayanak's personality cult and his edict in the ongoing politburo meet that only his soundbites will henceforth be regarded as official party policy, and that "the only alternative to Pushpa Kamal Dahal is Prachanda". The gag order officially pulls the plug on senior comrades holding forth at the Reporter's Club about fallback candidates for PMship.

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BRB's lieutenants, for their part, are sneering at PKD sending out trusted emissaries Biplop and Mahara to meet royalists like Gen Cutwall and Pepper Man Singh, and not even trying to do it secretly. And it probably isn't a
coincidence that in the midst of all this Kamal Thapa lets the cat out of the bag (or is it the rabbit out of the hat?) to say that Awesome was always for retaining a Hindoo kingdom and making Gyancha a ceremonial monarch. Even the fork-tongued chairman will now have a hard time explaining that to his jaded card-carrying cadre. So it's now boiled down to PKD accusing BRB of being an Indian stooge and BRB accusing PKD of being a closet monarchist. All paparazzi eyes are now on Manisha Dahal's wedding banquet next week when Kangresis, Raja Baddies and Khao Baddies are all expected to mingle.

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So, the rightwing of the extreme left is getting into bed with the leftwing of the extreme right. But even more intriguing is the fact that the Comrades are suddenly engaging with the country that still lists them as terroristas: a delegation is off to Boston later this month for a conference on Nepal and will be using their trip to meet US officialdom, unusually reliable sources said. The official Maobaddie slogan now should be: "Yankee go home, and take us with you."

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As YCL activities simmer down because of pressure on the leadership, the Kangresis have suddenly got it in their head to revive the Taroon Dusta. The grey-suited goon squad 'skirted' Sher Budder and Khum Budder to the Baddie heartland of Barabise last week in a show of force intended to sow terror in the hearts of the Khaobaddies who want a larger share of the Khasa smuggling pie. The Kangresi with the most common sense now seems to be none other than Jhusil Koiralo who not just vetoed the Taroon Dusta idea but has also been telling wannabe netas not to start a leadership stampede just now.

And Auntie Suzy must be completely out of it because she has decided to go on a thinly-disguised medico-pilgrimage to India. That set off a huge row with Baluwatar, which vetoed her request for one million roops for trip expenses.

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Everyone is getting so bored with the politics that it shows. Some Baddies have become even badder and have started groping fellow female comrades out of sheer boredom. And, btw, how come that particular member of the Newa State Council is a Bahun?

When the prime minister went to the see the prez on Tuesday, it set off speculation that he was handing in his resignation. Not so. Makunay was so bored twiddling his thumbs he went over to Shital Nibas for chia and chat.

ass(at)nepalitimes.com