The business community has put forward a proposal (STATUTORY GOVERNMENT HEALTH WARNING: THIS IS NOT A JOKE) to make Khaobadi extortion tax deductible and have a 'one-window' policy whereby shops and companies don't have to empty their pockets for every Comrade Tom, Dick and Hari who comes around for door-to-door ransom collection . Asked about this at the FNCCI-organised Decisive Debate to End All Debates last week Chairman Stupendousness replied: "We never extort anyone. We just ask them to donate voluntarily, and if they don't, we remind them of the consequences." First Prize in this week's Doublespeak Gold Medal.

***

All is not hunkydory within the Baddie leadership it seems. Kaji Narayan was visibly displeased at being kept out of the threesome on the Maoist table during the Final Solution debate. The organisers probably thought if we have the original why do we need the photocopy? The very next day NKS let it slip that he was available for PM-ship if there was going to be a deadlock between PKD and MKN, which brought a sharp, immediate response from BRB. We are also hearing BRB is sending feelers through back channels to MKN not to step down. And the plot thickens even more as Lord Ram Chandra throws his hat in the ring as well, announcing his availability for Baluwatar. Journalists chasing up the leak found the source was none other than RCP himself. Which is why the tripartite talks among the trinity of troikas in the three parties won't amount to much because the individual components are waiting for the right moment to become prime ministers themselves.

***

When RCP and BRB were having it out on Sajha Sawal, Ram Chandra told Baburam a precondition to the Baddies being allowed back into govt was disbanding the YCL. Comrade Laldhoj's reply: "Why don't you kangresis also set up a YCL?"

***

Just as well the Rato Machhendranath Jatra has been postponed by a month. The decision was taken for various astrological and planetary reasons, but it has turned out to be a blessing in disguise because it is highly unlikely that the Khao-ists would have allowed the rath to be pulled during a bund. "Two legs good, four wheels bad. (Unless it is a pram)."

***

Why anyone would want to come to power in a powerless country is beyond me. Could it be that Nepal is now an officially zero-emission country because we have cut our electricity consumption by half, vehicles have been forced off the roads, brick kilns have been struck down, so we are now well placed to reap the benefits of the Clean Development Mechanism? And we are saving Rs 10 karod a day by not burning all that petrol and diesel. Hurrah! We are all going to be rich.

***

It took a SHARK Summit in Thimphu for us to finally find out that King Jigme Keshar Namgyal Wangchuk was actually born in Nepal in 1980. His Majesty told Makuney he had a "special emotional bond" with Nepal because he was born in Patan. This throws up certain possibilities in bilateral relations. The first, of course, is that we bestow honorary Nepali citizenship on His Royal Highness pronto and officially declare Bhutan a vassal state. The second is that since we lost our monarchy and don't have any eligible king in the offing, we restore the monarchy and install Jigme the Fifth on the throne. Or, since he was born in Nepal, shouldn't he be sent to the refugee camp at Beldangi?

A diplomatic incident was deftly avoided when Rishi the Dhamilo managed to stowaway on Makuney's flight to Paro and thought that would be enough to enter Bhutan without a visa. He would have been deported on the spot had SuzieQ not intervened on behalf of her Sidekick-in-Chief.

***

The comrades are having a difficult time retaining the people they bussed in from the districts. The restaurants and guthis forced to feed the thousands are asking how much longer, and the diarrhoea outbreak is threatening to turn into an epidemic. The Baddies set up a 'manab sanglo' (human cockroach?) along Ringworm Road the other day, but a well-placed hailstorm forced the crowd to go titter bitter.

ass(at)nepalitimes.com