If any of you missed the new year revelry this week, don't worry, the 2067 calendar has 10 more new years and losars. And in the spirit of New Nepal we are going to celebrate them all with national holidays. There will be three months off this year, not counting Saturdays and Bundays, which makes Nepal the country with the highest per capita public holidays in the world.
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Among the many other things that makes Nepal unique in the world are our hand-written passports: one of only six countries left. The donkey's assport is running out of pages again, and it's a comforting thought that, like the national flag, we will continue to preserve our national identity and unique selling point as the world's most backside country.
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On a similar note, it is good to see that Kathmandu Aerodrome has been spruced up and streamlined ahead of Visit Nepal Year. The security line in front of the x-rays no longer snakes past the immigration desks, it only stretches up to the aroma-filled urinal and arsenal. This is a vast improvement and cuts the waiting time from two hours to just 1 hr 45min.
The reason for the shorter queue is that we no longer have to remove our shoes and belts. Informed sources told the mule's mole that the shoe rule was waived because the smell of socks in advanced stages of decay was so overpowering that some policemen fainted, creating a security risk. And the reason we can keep our belts on is because several male passengers a day dropped their trousers as they walked past the metal detectors, giving new meaning to the phrase 'strip-search'.
Other long overdue measures have been taken to beef up tourism in this ex-Hindu kingdom: the Civil Aviation Authoritarians have blackened all the windows between the arrival and departure corridors. Apparently this has been done ahead of Visit Nepal Year so that arriving tourists can't see dear departing tourists looking like they can't wait to get the hell out of here.
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What do MKN, MRP, MJF and Maobaddies have in common? It seems Makunay worked a deal to withdraw the MRP deal in return for the Baddies calling off the Bund. But the MJF got cold feet and Bijay the G suddenly saw himself as a prospective premier. Don't underestimate Mad Nepal's ability to wheel and deal, though, because it was he who leaked the Indian embassy letter to make Suzie the fall gal. The FM is now sulking and not taking calls from anyone. The Soodsayer says India will still bag the MRP deal anyway for the simple reason that the new ToR for the rebid will stipulate the new passports have to be delivered by June, a criteria no other supplier can match.
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How come no one talks about the late lamented HLPM anymore? Remember, this was the Stratospheric Mechanism designed to end infighting, but it died with GPK because they cudn't find a successor and the body hasn't even been able to meet because the three parties keep disagreeing on the agreement to find an agreement.
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Two mechanics from the HLPM, JNK and PKD, have been trying to do their own sweet bilateral deal and obviate the need for a threesome. Comrade Fierce had nearly convinced Jhallu Babu that he could lead the government and the Baddies would join. At a dinner at Pistachio Palace the other night, even Comrade Sita warmed up to the idea after initially having misgivings that hubby boy wouldn't be supremo. But JNK now seems to have changed his mind after the Chairman refused to give it to him in writing, just asking him to "take my word for it". After being roughed up in Rukum by the Red Guard for saying there was no alternative to the present govt, JNK has decided not to be a rebel rouser anymore. That now leaves only Bum Dev, the Baddie deep-penetration agent within the UML.
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The Ass' quote of the week is from none other than Kamred Prabhakar, the voice of the people. Janata Janardan said: "Yes, we signed an agreement not to declare bunds. But this bund was necessary to protect the peace process, so it is good for tourism."
ass(at)nepalitimes.com
