Makunay went visiting Kishunji the other day and immediately apologised that he couldn't bring along a bottle. The grand old man of Nepali politics is on the wagon, but that doesn't seem to have dented his legendary sense of humour. "Now that I have stopped drinking," he quipped, "there is more for the krantikari netas."

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The Maoists are now in a dilemma: take the Fourth Phase of their agitation to a logical conclusion and liberate India from the clutches of world imperialism, or announce the Fifth Phase. The Fourth Phase is definitely spinning out of control with Mau Mau posters of jackboots trampling on the Indian tricolour released on India's Independence Day, sparking anti-Maoist protests in Jogbani on Tuesday. Which must be why Awesome backpedalled furiously in his 'roti-beti' interview with PTI in which he said how can I be anti-Indian when two of my dotters were married off in India, or words to that effect.

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They tried civilian supremacy, they announced ethnic autonomous councils, they set up parallel govts, they threatened to invade India but nothing seems to work. The Maoists are still no nearer to getting back to power. But wonder what the theme of the Fifth Phase of their agitation will be. Since they tried threatening India and nothing happened, why not threaten China next? Maybe they could reveal that their real goal is to restore Maoism in China. That should really spook the living daylights out of the Dengists in Beijing.

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China invited the prez on a state visit, and our comrades didn't get the message. They summoned Awesome to Hong Kong to tell him to stop making trouble for everyone and sort things out with India, and he did just the opposite. Now, they've sent invites to Home Minister Brawl and Defence Minister Biddy to both visit China. Before he flies north, by the way, Bhim is trying to close down all casinos because they have become recruitment centres and the main source of revenue for the Baddies.

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His Fierceness is really getting irked by media criticism and has lashed out. He took a swipe the other day at Big Media and 'English speakers' who were trying to prevent him from being PM again. Hmm, wonder if he was alluding to a certain Angrezi Ass.

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With the fourth consecutive winter drought, the water levels of Himalayan rivers are falling and this can only mean we'll be shedding more load in February. So those of you who haven't yet got a subscription to Kantipur, hurry because you can win a free inverter. But the subscription campaign ads are a greenwash because an inverter works by depriving others of power when there is electricity. At the rate inverters are flying off the shelves, NEA should be renamed the All-Nepal Inverter Charging Authority. And why are we complaining about power cuts when even oil-rich Venezuela has six hours of load-shedding a day? Parts of Pakistan are powerless 12 hours daily. And the power in Delhi can go off at any time of day, far from the clockwork efficiency of our load-shedding skeds. Doesn't that make you feel much better already?

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Just what is with the baddies showing black flags to ministers? Aren't they supposed to show red flags?

ass(at)nepalitimes.com