KUNDA DIXIT

Bet you've heard many horror stories about Tribhuvan (why haven't they got around to changing the name of this one?) Interaction Airport like the monkeys on the runway and pickpocket security friskers. TIA also recently approved a coffee shop in the euphemistically named 'sterile area'. Whether passengers will actually want to partake of coffee@Rs150 a cup in a room that is a cross between a gas chamber and septic tank is anybody's guess. But one thing is for sure: the caf? will have to be a front for smuggling brown sugar and assorted contraband if the concessionaire is to recoup the kickback he doled out.

But I digress. Even battle-hardened TIA regulars like Tanya Pascual were not prepared to witness a trigger-happy police sentry shoot a dog with his double barrel gun the other day at the departure concourse. The fact that he missed was good news for the dog, but could have been very bad news indeed for a couple of tourists who nearly became collateral damage. When they said recently that security at TIA had been 'beefed up', we all thought it was a joke. Now we know they're deadly serious.

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To all those who have given up hope that even this HLPM is not going to resolve the political deadlock, the Ass can only say don't lose hope. As long as they're meeting secretly in the Sukedhara home of a certain eh-maley sahu and getting drunk together there is hope for this country.

Indeed, the capacity of our comrades to imbibe madeira is now approaching that of the pigs who raided Farmer Jones' cellar. The Maoists have been seen tossing back mao tais like there's no tomorrow: probably in the belief that it will be better than today. After giving his famous Baneswor "I will talk to the Indians directly" speech Awesome, it seems, had a secret rendezvous with Makunay and was in such a stage of inebriation that he spent the entire time talking down BRB. Although Makunay is now a teetotaler and Girja only drinks milk, could it be that the reason Awesome was so keen on the high level mechanism was that it was an excuse to be 'high'?

The very next day, Awesome staggered into parliament after calling off the boycott and gave a two-hour speech. Speaker Subhas Nembang watched keenly as MKN and PKD whispered in the aisles, smiling. Then he noticed Makunay slipping something to Fearsome, who put the object surreptitiously in his coat pocket with a sheepish grin on his face. Turns out PKD had left his reading glasses on Makunay's sofa the previous night.

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So the six-member committee headed by Nepal's ambassador to the UK Suresh Chandra Chalise, entrusted with drawing up Girjau's curriculum vitae for his Nobel Peace Prize nomination, has completed its task with a nine-page resume that details his extensive contribution to the cause of peace in Nepal. Although the Norwegians had asked for a three-page cv, it seems the committee just couldn't whittle it down.

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There was a time during the reign of Gyan Raja when Manoj Gajurel was so good at his impersonation of the king that police in Pokhara would click their heels and salute him, thinking he was His Majesty himself. Since then, the tables have turned with Gajurel's impersonation of the Fearsome One. In Dhangadi the other day, the rumour spread that Manoj Gajurel had arrived on the Kathmandu flight. Even the ricksha wallahs flocked to the departure area to catch a glimpse of the man, but it turned out to be Prachanda who had flown in from Kathmandu to declare war on India.

ass(at)nepalitimes.com