The low self-esteem of us Nepalis comes from the way we talk about ourselves. Someone, somewhere 60 years ago started calling Nepal a "tiny Himalayan kingdom", and to this day there isn't a week that passes by without a national leader delivering a speech in which he doesn't call Nepal "hamro jasto garib ra sano desh".

Our rulers haven't even bothered to keep track of our population, which will soon cross 30 million, making us the 40th most-populous country in the world. And we have been calling ourselves "poor" so often that it has become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Some of our downtrodden groups should also adopt a higher calling and stop referring to themselves as 'Backward Society' and 'Other Backward Classes' just because down south the marginalised call themselves that. The Indian diaspora gave itself the acronym of NRI but realizing its folly has quickly graduated to People of Indian Origin (PIO). But our overseas Nepalis are still defining themselves by who they are not: NRN.

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It's surprising that after unilaterally turning into the National Secular Democratic Federal Former Kingdom of Nepal and abandoning any historical figure that even remotely played a role in the formation of what is now Nepal and demolishing all their statues, and trying to change our unique national flag, yet no one has thought of changing the name of the country. Nepal has a politically-incorrect feudal connotation so, like a new national anthem, we need a new name for the country.

The Ass has already received several suggestions,: Bandadesh, Republic of Yam, Federal Democratic Republic of Nipple, Penpal, Baksheeshstan, Hullai Hulla Ko Desh, Vassal State of Euthanasia. (More suggestions are welcome on ass(at)nepalitimes.com, and the lucky winner will get to meet the Donkey in person.)

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Have to hand it to this country's Bahuns. There are no greater schemers in the political firmament than the triumvirate of Bajeys who rule over us. Look at them: they're all upper caste and they can't stand each others' guts. GPK installed MKN as PM and he is now miffed that Makunay isn't giving him enough respect, and sensing this PKD is making his move to tempt GPK to be prime minister. Needless to say, Girjau is sorely tempted. Also goes to show that within the Maoists, the leaders are all high-caste comrades and as far as scheming goes, they take the cake and eat it too. It comes naturally to PKD that he is willing to kiss ass to try to mellow Makunay while simultaneously trying to split the eh-malaise by putting delusions of grandeur into JNK's head. If only all this superior brain power was employed for national development, this country would have been out of the woods long ago and we would have doubled our GDP per capita.

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If you thought the wheeling-dealing between the parties was complicated, take a look at what is happening within the Baddies. Let me simplify it for you. As you know the CentCom is still going on and horizontal and vertical fissures have emerged in the party hierarchy. Well (take a deep breath here) the party is drifting from one person one post leadership to one party multiple leadership mode. PKD is miffed cuz this means the centralised power structure that he dominates will be eroded, and BRB can barely suppress his glee. Which brings him closer to the hardcoreliners led by CP and Dr Baidya (despite the name the Doc is a true blue Brahmin). This has thrown cadre who were followers of the hard and less-hard liners into a bit of a tizzy. But the lads are regrouping around Comrade B Plop, Mumaram, and Cloudy. And this is where the plot thickens: into this volatile mix is the power struggle for the deputy leader, gen sec, head of foreign affairs, etc. The issue now is how to accommodate two Johnny-come-latelys: Amik Uncle and Kazi Naryan Kamred. Amik has threatened to quit if the Kazi is placed above him in the hierarchy and Awesome for some unfathomable reason is still angling to get his prot?g? a position in the party.

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The great thing about all this, of course, is that it doesn't matter at all who gets what. Wake me up when the fireworks start.

ass(at)nepalitimes.com