Upendra Yadav is probably going to get a real dressing down in Dilli for having uttered the 'E' word when discussing Nepal's relations with China and India the other day. That he should say "Equidistance" even as Comrade Premier was defying hints not to dare go to China before going to India was like rubbing salt on troubled waters, if I've got my metaphor right.

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It was predictable that the Sinophobic Indian media worked itself up into a right royal frenzy over the prime minister's ping pong diplomacy, but what was surprising was how quickly the advisers at Golf Course Rd in a fit of pique decided to invite President Ram Baran to India first. Wasn't Sonia also at the Bird's Nest? After all, what does it matter where Dahal goes first?

The Injuns must know that the more outrage they express about this, the more Awesome's domestic popularity will surge. Now, if one really wanted to be conspiratorial, one could say it was all an elaborate ruse to leak India's displeasure about PKD going to Beijing to the media, thus indirectly bolstering his popularity both among the public and Dilli-bashers within his own party. Sheer genius.

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One thing the Beijing visit did was at least partially settle the debate about whether Lotus Flower is a Dengist or a Gang of Fourist. First of all, if he was a G4-ista he wouldn't be reading the Ass and following our advice to wear a dark suit and red tie in his meeting with Comrade Hu. Second, the Chinese, who did not even mention Mao Zedong in the opening and closing ceremony of the Olympics, would never have invited him over unless he was a Dengist. Ok, that's settled then.

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Finally they sorted it out, but the delay in completing the cabinet had more to do with discord among factions within the A-Maleys and Baddies than between the A-Maleys and Baddies. The Baidya-Gajurel combo vetoed Hisila continuing as minister. The duo were so dead against BRB being #2 in govt that they publicly endorsed Bum Dave as the caretaker prime minister. And within the UML, the Oli-Nepal faction has been so vehemently anti-Bum Dave that Makunay went into another one of his deep sulks and junketed off to Japan.

While the leftie bahuns all tried to outsmart each other by stabbing each other in the back, Mohan Baidya is making the tail wag the dog by positioning himself as party leader so that PKD and BRB will have to listen to his directives, thus making himself theoretically more powerful than both. Not to be outdone, Awesome coopted the young comrade Suresh Singh, a Biplop sidekick, as his gofer and even took him along on his China trip.

The Maobaddies try to do things by the book. When there was a deadlock last week over who should be Misinformation Minister, Maharabau or Top Budder, they put the matter to the vote in the central committee. But while trying to make all factions happy, the Maoists forgot all about getting fair representation for women in their government.

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If you can break out of jail not once but twice, even if it is Tihar, you have to be smart. So it is not surprising that Charles the Sobraj has befriended the glamorous Nikita and got Khimlal Debkota's wife Comrade Laxmi to be his lawyer, who by the way, warned a THT reporter of dire consequences if he dared write about her client again. The client being who he is, that couldn't have been an empty threat. The Serpent gambled on the Maoists coming to power and getting him outahere, and he may be in luck because notorious dons Chakre and Manage have both been mysteriously released by the Supremo Court this month.

This week's New Name Contest is once more bagged by Ram Chaudhary for his new name for the vice president: Parmananda Ja.

ass(at)nepalitimes.com