Good thing E-Day has come and gone. With the broken limbs, fractured skulls, perforated abdomen and dislocated hips this campaign inflicted on party faithful across the political spectrum, it has been a hospital bharo karyakram. Nursing homes throughout the land have no room for normal patients.
Strange, because Nepal has also got the highest per capita number of elections observers observing our elections. Besides the farangs we also have our national ones with rhyming acronyms like GEOC and NEOC. Then there is DEAN and NEMA, which are fairly wholesome acronyms compared with the ngos we already have: INSECT, HERPES and FUCKOFEN. But, as is customary in Nepal, the election monitoring groups have already bifurcated, and one hears there are now NEOC (Krantikari) and NEOC (Prajatnatrik).
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We had indelible ink donated by the Koreans, the ballot boxes from Japan, and the Tiang Xian multifunction pad from the People's Republic of China (email: [email protected]).
One suggestion to the EC for the next time round, please also spell out the names of the parties besides their symbols. Not everyone in Nepal is illiterate, you know. It wasn't just the Ass who was flummoxed by the pink and blue ballot papers on Thursday. It was a toss-up between Duck and Pigeon, but now it can be told that the donkey voted for Duck.
And in samanupatik, the Ass's swastika went to Radio of Takashi Miyahara because under him one can be sure that Nepal will have a shinkansen between Kathmandu and Pokhara, whereas the Fearsome One just wants a chhoti line to Lumbini.
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It's not just the Indians who command our destiny. The royal palace has been known in the past to slip in a few karods here and there to like-minded Indian politicos at their election time. Now it looks like the Indians are returning the favour. Laloo Prasad has helped out a fellow Yadav in our own tarai, and Bijay the Defector apparently crossed over recently to collect his own five million smackeroos.
The way things are going in the tarai, it looks like Amresh Bhai is doing so unexpectedly well that it surprised even his mentors who have now called him off to allow the real favourite, Mahanta Thakur, to win. And in return Girjau has assured our man a seat in his nomination quota.
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Even if the Maoist-UML talmel fell through at least the kangresis and madhesis are scratching each other's backsides. The reason the UML-Maoist candidate exchange fell through, it seems, had nothing to do with lack of interest. It was because Comrade Awesome forgot his mobile at home that day and Comrade Makunay was trying to call him over and over again from Rautahat to agree on a mutual candidate list. MKN thought PKD was snubbing him and wasn't interested in the give-and-take. When they did talk to each other, it was too late. By that time, Awesome was so impressed with the crowds cheering him on in his ahm sabhas that he felt he didn't need to be allowed to win after all.
Meanwhile down in Chitwan, Comrade Cloud's main enemy doesn't seem to be the UML or the NC but fellow baddies who want to stab him in the back. Given the epidemic of rajabaddies defecting to the maobaddies just proves what even this Ass suspected: that they were in bed together all along. Like rats jumping off a sinking ship, monarchists are now badmouthing Lord Vishnu. Even the vice-chairman was letting off steam the other day complaining that there would still be a monarchy only if kingji had listened to him and not stepped down on 24 April, 2006. Makes you think: with enemies like that who needs friends?
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You know the Tibetans protesting in Kathmandu have been overstaying in Nepal when their slogan at Gairidhara outside the Chinese embassy last week was: "China Chor Desh Chhod."
ass(at)nepalitimes.com
