It's when the great revolutionary Lekhnath Neupane appears on the TV show hosted by the openly bisexual Ujju Darling that you know that the Maoists are finally ready for Constituent Assembly elections.
Yes, it took them time. Yes, they hee'd and haw'd. But the comrades finally realised they were making asses of themselves by finding excuses not to face the polls. Which is why the Fierce One has been reading the riot act to the YCLs lately.
In a meeting last week in Balaju, he told Comrade Sagar's Alsatian puppies that if they didn't behave themselves and didn't stop harassing people he'd personally spank them on their buttocks. That bottom line really scared the hell out of the ex-gorillas. And then Fearsomeji flew to Biratnagar and told the YCL Local Chapter there he was sick and tired of apologising all the time for their excesses. "Look at me," he told them. "During the war I was a healthy man. Now that we have made a successful soft belly-landing you are giving me all this stress."
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Given the kind of pressure that Comrade Chairman had to face in the August plenum from these very same young commies it took a lot of guts for him to say what he did. But the turning point seems to have come with the ultra-hardliners having finally agreed (with a bit of prodding this week by a fraternal delegation from Mao's own country) that by trying to put off elections the comrades had only strengthened their enemies. As part of the deal, a new government will be announced and the Maoists are already licking their chops since the defence, home and finance ministries will reportedly be divided up between the Big Three.
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The Chairman's charm offensive went into overdrive this week as the comrades launched what could be the first salvo of their election campaign in front of selected editors by admitting past mistakes, promising to reign in the YCLs, making cooing noises that royals aren't so bad after all, and even admitting that Uncle Joe had committed grievous errors by killing 20 million Soviets. So, when are they going to stop brandishing Comrade Stalin's portrait at their mass gatherings? The top comrades have realised they have run out of excuses not to have elections and, besides, the tactic has benefited just about everyone except themselves. So, for the first time the comrades are worried about public opinion and have launched a three-month campaign to win hearts and minds. If they'd only come to that conclusion last year, by now the Maoists would be a formidable political party. But, better late than never.
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So Shailaja Di finally got the nod from the Indians for her ambassadorship, but it looks like even Uncle GP has decided she is losing her marbles and has asked Shitall Nibas to hold her appointment. The Ass takes no pleasure in being proved right and braying itself hoarse that sending First Niece to Delhi was a bad idea all along. But Sanobuwa himself is not doing too well, and it may be best for him to get out of Kathmandu's winter smog and retire while he still has a legacy.
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Meanwhile, Kingji's own relatives in India have invited him over for a royal family wedding in January and Girjau has been convinced to be magnanimous and let Gyan go and stretch his legs a bit. May do him some good to exchange notes with Jwaisa'b the Maharajah of Kashmir and Yasho Rajya Lakshmi about how to make a smooth transition from Sri Paunch to just Sri.
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