Given the bruising process by which India recently selected its new president (the new one is one step ahead of her astrophysicist predecessor because she believes in astrology) one wonders what will happen after Nepal declares itself a republic in January 2008. Also, is President Patil a Rastrapati or Rastrapatni?

The Moustachioed One has said he wouldn't mind being prez "for a while". Oh sure. Given his striking resemblance to Uncle Joe and his avowed revulsion to Khrushchev it is the Ass' bet that like comrades everywhere he will either have to be bodily removed or die a natural death before someone succeeds him.

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Chairman Lotus Flower didn't have an easy time during last week's Balaju assemblage. When Biplob publicly chided him for his junket in Switzerland and the Bolero Culture, he was visibly disturbed and retorted: "I'd rather die than be called a bourgeois revisionist, or be labeled a Khrushchev.or be called a UML." And at this point he choked and wiped a tear or two with his handkerchief, thus joining the constellation of Nepali luminaries who specialise in crying in public.

Even if Makunay took umbrage at that remark about the UML, he doesn\'t seem to have brought it up with the Chairman when the two had a private tete-e-tete at Gunther's bash at the Summit. Probably not. But Awesome apparently did broach his brainwave idea to carve up the elections so his chaps are guaranteed at least 30 percent of the seats in November. The two comrades have reason to band together especially if Sushil and Deuba patch up their differences. Now, with First Daughter Sujata working on kangresi unity it may actually happen.

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But it's not at all a foregone conclusion who will be president. Comrade Cloud has been mysteriously quiet this whole time. Given that he is such a charismatic speaker the Dahal-Bhattarai duo makes sure he doesn't get out in public much.

And is that why the increasingly presidential-looking Cloudy One was at Baluwatar recently waiting patiently for an appointment with the prime minister only to be stood up?

Still, Badal asserted himself during the just-concluded plenum and even shook Comrade Chairman's hand to loud applause probably to allay suspicions of a major Bahun-Magar falling out in top management. Wonder if we\'ll ever have a Rastrapati Ram Bahadur someday?

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Even if SPAM can agree on ambassadors, which seems highly unlikely, it may be difficult to get other countries to accept baddies as envoys. Comrade Gajruel is the Maoists' shadow foreign minister, so the fact that he was refused a Japanese visa last week should send a strong signal. The man is jinxed: he served three years behind bars in Chennai after being caught trying to fly to London on a forged passport. And this just in: Comrade Chintan has decided to stay back in London and retire from activism. Baddie candidate for the Court of St James?

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Meanwhile, out at Naryanhiti kingji has cleared his electricity dues and is now sending feelers to see if he can take queenji to India for a long-overdue medical checkup-cum-pilgrimage. Such a trip before elections would also be a face-saving compromise for all sides to get top royals out of the way and put the monarchy in deep freeze until such time as it can be taken out and thawed.

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There are still two journalists NOMIN hasn't yet poached from the Nepali media. They are Min Bahadur Shahi and Min Bajracharya. What's wrong? Does Un-Min have anything against people whose first names are Min?

ass@nepalitimes.com