For a country and its once-opposed groups, a peace process is about many things. There are accords, weapons lockdowns and cantonments, struggles to carve out and maintain fresh political positions, re-designed legislative bodies.

But there must also be a peace process for individuals. Those who have lost loved ones, those who have been tortured, and those who live with the anguish of not knowing whether their relatives are dead or alive deserve closure. Healing is as important as the right to vote in constituent assembly elections. A society cannot move towards a lasting peace if it does not acknowledge personal losses, and a state cannot regain its credibility until it is open about its past. A people denied answers and justice by the state will not engage productively with its processes.

Politically, a powerful commission on the disappeared is a minefield. Most parties are willing to tacitly collude against it. Some because they are sweet-talking the army for support now. Others because they themselves live in glass houses, and still others who are willing to turn a blind eye for tactical gains. So, Girija Prasad Koirala waffles and Pushpa Kamal Dahal doesn't want a commission on the disappeared because it will unearth skeletons in his own closet.

And there's no point in the army getting defensive and saying 'they started it'. After all, it is the responsibility of the state to protect its citizens. Even as a military strategy, victimising innocent civilians was completely counter-productive. As a matter of principle no one should ever be disappeared, and if they are, those responsible need to be accountable.

The National Human Rights Commission remains rudderless and toothless. This is ironic, given how much we love the idea of our homegrown peace process. The support of the International Committee of the Red Cross and the UN's Office of the High Commissioner for Human Rights has been essential in keeping records of the disappeared and of systematic, institutional violations such as at Bhairabnath.

But now Nepal needs strong, independent institutions of its own to uncover the past and put it to rest. The people have the right to know what happened.

For true reconciliation, there has to be a coming together of those who want to remember, those who seek forgiveness, and those who need justice. Let's not argue about which is most important. It's not whether to forget or forgive, or whether peace is more important than truth. We need to do it all together so our past does not burden our future.

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