So Nepal's bid for a seat in the UN Security Council was a fiasco.
Surprise, surprise.
But look at it this way: we got 28 votes! So what if they were from countries like Tonga, Tuvalu, Sao Principe and Tome, Laos, North Korea, and Burkina Faso? OK, maybe some of them ticked the wrong box in the ballot by mistake, but nevertheless it shows these countries are not just Nepal's fair-weather friends. We can rely on them through thick and thin.
Just in case, however, we should follow the example set by The Dear Leader Kim who has forced the world to take his country more seriously by setting off a couple of nukes underneath his own territory. Our own Comrade Awesome had the right idea when he described Nepal as dynamite between two boulders. Now, we need to work on packing the dynamite with nuclear tips so we don't get kicked around anymore by upstart foreign ambassadors.
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Someone who must be kicking himself is Comrade CP Gajurel in his jail cell in Kolkata after hearing Comrades Ale Magar, Sharma & Co have packed off on European tours. Gajurel tried to fly to Frankfurt two years ago on a forged Indian passport and was arrested in Madras. Sureshji and Dinanathji left on Royal Orchid Class on Sunday with legit Nepali passports that had genuine Schengen visas. Guess who was on the front of the plane with them: Lokendra Bahadur Chand. Let's see, if it's Tuesday, they must be in Belgium.
Even while the last round of talks were going on, leader of the Maobaddy negotiating team Krishna Bahadur Mahara was himself applying for a new passport because the last one he had issued in Rolpa expired long ago.
Meanwhile Comrade CP Mainali is just back from Havana after attending the Summit of Bushbashers with Hugo Chavez and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
With all this junketeering going on, wonder who's going to be around to conduct peace negotiations. But one thing is for sure: if there are no talks, they can't fail.
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Talking of talks, given the number of cigarette breaks Sher Bahadur Deuba was taking at Baluwatar last week, the whole thing must have been pretty stressful for our four-time prime minister. But we hear the Sher wasn't just taking nicotine fixes on the balcony, he was also making quick phone calls on his cell to you-know-who.
The Ass has learnt from reliable sources that Girija Babu had a hard time keeping awake during the proceedings, giving new meaning to Martin Luther King's famous line: "I have a dream." But even as the talks got underway Girija Babu seems to have lived up to his reputation for being the Sly Old Fox that he is by pulling a couple of fast ones. After getting everyone to agree to let him speak first, he apparently said: "You've all agreed to let me speak first, but I want Pushpa Kamalji to go first." Clever.
And then, after agreeing with Comrade Tremendous in a private pre-summit chat to accept the infamous double-key formula on arms management, Girija Babu unilaterally backtracked during the negotiations. Now, who was he talking to on the phone during the breaks?
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In the midst of all this, the baddies gave themselves a dasain present by buying a six-storey building in Kopundole for Rs 2.5 million that used to be occupied (at different times) by Comrade Bam Dev (his name means: "left-wing god") and by the RPP. The Maoists didn't pull any strings for the transfer of deeds, and now have their people's court and liaison office in the buildings. The Maos have also taken up cleaning up Kathmandu's underworld and are said to have abducted a couple of notorious Valley goondas.
Hmm. Going for hearts and minds, buying houses, going on European junkets. These guys are definitely don't have any intention of going back to the jungle.
