Not even the most patriarchal male chauvinistic piglet in this country will begrudge parliament's recent proclamation to set aside 33 percent of civil service jobs for women.

Because as long as us men can still get to be the King, Prime Minister, Speaker of the August House, Chief of Army Staff, Editor-in-Chief, Head Bartender, and also the Maid-in-Waiting in case there is no suitable female candidate, we have no problems with girls joining the rank and file to stand head-and-shoulder with us.

Parliament has also passed legislation allowing daughters to inherit parental property, and is working on a new law requiring parents to force their daughters to marry certified dorks thus making doubly sure that parental property remains in safe hands.

And right in front of our eyes, parliament has taken away our right to be king by allowing a royal first-born to be henceforth crowned Queen of the Kingdom, especially if aforementioned first-born is a she.

But parliament may be overstepping its bounds here. At this rate there will be no jobs left for men. What is parliament doing to help broad-minded men like us who, the last time we checked, were still allegedly holding up half the sky? Ok, ok, one-third.

What we Central Non-working Committee members of the recently-formed All-Nepal Federation of Alpha-Males and Drones (Reviled) want to know is, how is the interim legislature going to guarantee that this epidemic of politically-correct legislation in favour of members of the opposite species will not leave us men high and dry and out in the wilderness.

Should us guys be getting worried? You bet. And what should we gentlemen be doing about it? Kicking butt. Yes, lifting a page from the Great Helmsman himself who said, and I quote, "To be offensive is the best form of defensiveness", we men have no other recourse but to follow this wise dictum and start behaving in an even more obnoxious and loathsome manner than we do at present.

And we are going to launch this multi-pronged campaign throughout maledom starting this Guy Jatra season so those of us who wear Y-fronts and are proud of it can assert ourselves and reclaim our past honour. We will protect the bastions of our manhood from female encroachment till the last man is left standing.

As usual in these cases, it is the private sector that has taken the lead by launching a risky and pioneering venture to set up the first-ever male beauty parlour in this country. At a time when us card-carrying members of the unfair sex were feeling a trifle beleaguered and left out, at last there is a place we boys can call home, where we can go and get our blackheads squeezed by professionals without any danger of those things getting infected and erupting into pus-filled carbuncles and aunties.

So, let this be a warning, we are not going to sit idly by while women outscore us in SLC and take away our jobs. This Tij we will counterattack by sitting outside parliament till all our demands are met. Which means we want 33 percent of all jobs traditionally held by women to also be reserved for men. Only through affirmative action can men also have a chance to prove themselves as housewives and stewardesses.