Now that under the one-window policy government ads are only given to newspapers that print news quoting reliable eye-witnesses reports that the emperor is fully-clad what are the rest of us supposed to do, huh?
Luckily, the private sector has stepped in with important public service announcements. About time, because now I don't have to write this week's column and can fill the space up with these ads:
URGENT NOTICE
Regarding the advertisement published yesterday accusing us of not paying for jet leases. How dare they?
Our attention has been drawn to the defamatory, demeaning and misleading advertisements published by a leasing company regarding two jets they rented to us. The allegation that we have defaulted on payment for the aforementioned Fokkers for a period exceeding eight months is not accurate and bears no relation to fact. In actuality we haven't paid the lease for only six months. Besides, this is well within the norms stipulated by the Civil Aviation Authoritarians of Nepal which allows private airlines in the kingdom to get away with paying no lease at all and being millions of rupees in arrears on landing and parking fees provided the owners are well-heeled and have friends in high places. Besides, we have obtained a Stay Order from the Appellate Court granting us full Legal Authority to keep flying the planes in breach of contract and drag it on in the courts to buy us time. And we have it all in writing!
This is well within the parameters of the laws and practices of the Kingdom of Nepal and we are in conformity and in adherence to the Standard Operating Procedures for Airline Operation in Nepal. How on earth are we supposed to make a profit if we have to pay for leasing planes? You think money grows on trees in Nepal? You think you guys can just walk in here and start interfering in our internal affairs? Necon got away with it, so why can't we? Let's see whose father can do what, yaar. Meanwhile, may we remind our valued no-frills passengers from rows 25 to 36 that seats have been removed as a cost-cutting measure and Nepal's civil aviation regulations require them to hang on to the overhead straps during takeoffs and landings.
Fly By Night Airlines (Pvt) Ltd
LAST NOTICE AND REMINDER
Pursuant to the Foreign Exchange Act 2054 as well as the Registration of Businesses Decree 2061 and other laws of the Kingdom of Nepal we, on behalf of our client, hereby notify Mrs Abigail Abacha (niece of Mr Sonny Abacha of Lagos, Nigeria) to return the $750,000 (Seven Hundred and Fifty Thousand Dollars and No Cents) our client transferred to her bank account in the Cayman Islands in February 2000 as earnest money in lieu of the $25 million in cash of Mr Abacha's assets which, as per a verbal understanding with our client, was to have been handed over to him in person by a courier.
This notice has been published because Mrs Abigail Abacha has not responded to repeated emails and has evaded attempts to establish telephonic contact with her regarding the matter. Prompt reimbursement of the $750,000 would be much appreciated by our client and he would be eternally grateful if this matter could be discretely and amicably settled.
Bhattarai, Bhattarai & Bhattarai
Barristers-at-law
Anamnagar
