Once a year on April First we of the journalistic persuasion are allowed by royal ordinance to officially let our hair down. This one day when we can scrupulously tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth and still get away with it.

Not that we hacks don't stick to facts the rest of the year let's just say we are economical with the truth. As a matter of fact, many of us were caught with our pants down (in a manner of speaking not in real life, silly) while inadvertently telling the truth in the past fiscal year. That is why we welcome the chance this April First to tell the truth without ruffling any untoward feathers.

This All Fools' Day on Saturday we would strongly recommend all you fools out there to believe everything that is written in the papers because your editors have made that special extra effort to print only facts that are first verified, cross-checked and are certified to contain permitted flavours, raising agents, preservatives and ammonium bicarbonate.

(Statutory Disclaimer from the State Law and Order Council: The Lese Majeste Decree, Terrorism and Disruptive Activities Act, Provisions of the Media Ordinance, the Defamation Bill and Libel Laws, all Codes of Conduct, Censorship Regulations, the Fifth Commandment and what remains of the 1990 Constitution are hereby suspended for 24 hours beginning midnight on 31 March-1 April, 2006. But remember, we are keeping a close eye on you and perpetrators could be prosecuted retrospectively.)

So, without wasting any more of your and my wakeful hours, let us get right down to the facts of life and list the stories that we are currently working on for the April First edition:

. Rhinos Grant Audience: Two Nepali rhinoceri Thursday granted separate audiences to the Director of the Vienna Zoo and Der ?sterreische Bundespr?sident. Matters of mutual interest and of a bilateral nature were discussed between the two sides with the one-horned Nepali dignitaries expressing their satisfaction with the lodging and fooding arrangements. Later, the rhinos granted more collective audiences to other long-serving inmates of the zoo, including Messrs Okapi, Hippo, and Gnu.
. The Home Minister has warned people not to come to Kathmandu while the Tourism Minister has said people should come to Kathmandu. Those already in Kathmandu are requested by both ministries to stay put or go underground during the coming week. People on non-essential business may be allowed to go to Tundikhel to observe horses rehearsing hole jumping and galloping very fast for no particular reason.
. Following a trend set by Nepal's booming distillery industry, the government has requested businesses to start using the suffix 'royal' wherever and whenever possible in daily discourse (as in "The expedition climbed the mountain without paying royalty", or "I'm sorry but I've run out of royal blue ink", or "I woke up this morning with a royal pain in the butt"). As the largest revenue payer to the government, the alcohol industry has a headstart in this matter. It has already introduced Royal Stagger Whiskey, Royal Challenger Beer, Kingfisher Lager and will soon launch the Royal Bengal Tiger Premium Arrack.