Being an organ of the state and thanks to the new ordnance given to us in media, our editorial today will delve into how there can be no two opinions about the ground reality that things are really looking up in the past eight months. And since we have no choice in the matter you can be sure we will leave out no detail however slight as we go about enumerating these accomplishments. And, yes, it's the money talking: Rs 500,000 fine in unmarked Rs 1,000 bills or two years in jail, whichever comes first.
None of us had any inkling about it but it appears that the country had been taking great leaps forward. It was such a top secret that no one had a clue. America may be the land of opportunities, but we are a land of opportunists. Whenever our leaders see an opportunity they grab it. And thank heavens for that, otherwise we'd still be living in an age when FM radio stations actually broadcast news. That is why as Nepalis we shouldn't be asking what more the government can do to us, but how we can give it back to the government.
Given the plethora of accomplishments in the government's pandora's box, we are in the horns of dilemma. Where do we start enumerating them? But someone has to open the can of worms, and being the new official mouthpiece that task has fallen upon us.
So, let's begin with this week's main achievement which is the good news that Nepal has established diplomatic relations with Turkmenistan. About time. I know there is always a question that springs to the minds of most Nepalis when they see a news item like that, and the question is: "Where on earth is Turkmenistan?" The simple answer is that the government hasn't told us, so we can't tell you. It's a closely guarded secret.
As a part of the government's diplomatic offensive (Official motto: "Let's be as offensive as possible to interfering diplomats") Nepal has also signed a Non-aggression Pact with the Kingdom of Tonga which significantly reduces the chances of full-scale war breaking out between the two kingdoms. This will allay fears in many patriotic minds about threats to our national security from the Tongans so that we, as Nepalis, can rest even easier than we have been resting so far in the days to come. (Editor's note: To find out where the Kingdom of Tonga is, go to www.earth.google.com/).
As the official mouth organ we must also for the record make a note of the Nepali Congress striking off any reference to constitutional monarchy from its party preamble and replacing it with an absolute ruling dynasty in its own Central Committee.
The other national accomplishment this week was that Nepal has climbed in the global corruption rankings of Transparency International from number 90 to 117. Now, some of you may think that is bad news. But we believe it all depends on whether you are counting from the bottom or from the top. And since we have traditionally taken a bottoms-up approach on these matters in this country, this is great news. Nepal is now officially recognised as a place to do shady arms deals and this can only help alleviate poverty in certain echelons of society.
Amidst all these shining achievements the only dark spot is the fact that Tribhuvan Interchangeable Airport has still not been relocated to Pokhara in a blatant disregard of recent royal directives. Let this be a warning that department heads will face disciplinary action if the airport is not moved to Pokhara forthwith. Do we have to use heavy ordnance or what?
