Your Loyal Highnesses, Honourable Ex-convicts, Fellow-skeletons rattling in the Cabinet, Heads of Extra-Constitutional Organisms, Captains of Cottage Industries, Ex-cellencies, Willing Defaulters, Respected Givers and Takers of Huge Kickbacks, Overseers and Undertakers, Visiting Arms Merchants, venerable members of the Society of Nepali Intellectuals (Undemocratic), Members of the Journalistic Persuasion, Distinguishable Guests, and Mr Rishi Dhamala.
It is both a pleasure and a pain in the butt to be invited here once again to the Repeater's Club for the Faeces to Faces Program today to speak to you about how well the country has been doing after February First. Since I am among fellow-oxymorons here I don't need to belabour the obvious and waste your and my time speaking about how the country is doing very well, thank you. Actually, if I don't need to tell you, then why on earth am I doing exactly that? This is a question that has bedeviled me, and I often ask myself the same question every time I am invited to speak at fora like these, but my speechwriter hasn't yet come up with a satisfactorial answer.
That is why today I am departing from my prepared text to speak frankfully and to toot my own trumpet here, if I may. It must be clear to all you political observers, anonymous analysts and western diplomatic sources who don't want to be quoted by name that despite some impedimentations and difficultivities we are well on track to normalitude in this country.
In fact, just this morning while attending to a call from Nature I was temporarily disconnected because Nature as usual wasn't calling me on my landline, but when we lost contact again I was naturally delighted. It was proof that things in Nepal are rapidly returning to normalness.
Nepal Telecom needs to be commended for reconnecting our pre-paid, post-paid, and un-paid mobiles after a six month hiatus. And the fact that because of network congestion the phones don't work anymore again is the surest indication so far that things are back to the pre-February First situation of business as unusual. Even if the rollback of the royal takeover may take some more time because of delays in the demolition of the Democracy Wall, we are already rolling back on the telecommunications front. And thank Lord Vishnu for that.
The other sign of normalment is that bricks are flying again at Ghanta Ghar, the aroma of burning tyres and tear gas once more assail our nostrils outside campuses, the gridlocks are back on Tundikhel. It's a riot out there, and this is a sure sign that the days of autocratesque abnormalesence are over.
We promised to bring democracy back on track in three years, and it is my pleasure to inform you today that we are way ahead of schedule. I admit, the level of anarchy hasn't reached last year's intensificacy, we are still behind our objectivity in the arson attacks and bandas department, but we're getting there. Government cars are being set on fire outside Ascol just like in the good old days. And yesterday we had our first attempted bombard of a post-office. OK, the pressure cooker didn't go off, but the message was loud and clear: we are returning this country to normalification with a vengeance.
At the pace we are going we should restore full-blown demagoguery by mid-September. Not that it would make any difference to most of you here who are fast asleep. Hey, wake up, the speechification is over.
