The airline industry's top priority is the safety of its passengers, and that is why it pays special attention to in-flight announcements which relay vital information to make your journey smooth and safe.
Most passengers tune off when the public address system crackles with yet another announcement in four languages about en route weather. If you are one of those frequent fliers who stopped listening to in-flight announcements back in 1983, then you don't know what you've been missing. Like this one on a recent domestic flight from Biratnagar:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your co-pilot. As some of you may have noticed we are now taxiing back to the terminal because the Captain detected a malfunction in one of the engines. Please remain seated, relax and enjoy the infright service. We should be on our way again shortly as soon as we change the Captain."
Airlines have to follow strict ICAO and IATA regulations on passenger safety, and as planes become bigger and more sophisticated, in-flight announcements can last the entire duration of a longhaul flight. In fact, there are so many announcements these days that there is no time left anymore on flights to Kathmandu for entertainment and refreshments.
"The pleasure in the cabin is automatically controlled. If the pleasure should fall, oxygen masks will drop, pull the mask towards you, clobber your nose and mouth and bleed normally. Passengers sitting below oval-head rockers should keep their helmets loosely fastened at all times. Rife jackets are below your seats, unless they have been stolen. In the unlikely event that we have to ditch on water please snitch the one from under the seat next to you."
With the recent changes in Nepal there are a lot more documents to be filled out before landing in Kathmandu which means even more announcements:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain again. We shall be commencing our descent into Kathmandu shortly. The cabin attendants will be moving through the aisles distributing arrival paperwork, which include:
a) His Majesty's Government's Disembarkation Cards for those with visas
b) Visa-on-Arrival Application Form for those without visas
c) Visa Rejection Forms for diplomats declared persona-non-grata
d) Customs Declaration Forms for those with nothing to declare at the present time because of curbs on free speech at destination
e) Yellow Disembarkation Cards for Nepali citizens
f) Red Deportation Cards for Nepali citizens who are unsure whether they will be detained on arrival
g) Perambulator Re-registration Forms for passengers carrying more than two of the said contraband item
h) Compensation Waiver Forms for Daylight Robbery Airport Taxi Service, Inc"
Right, now that we have the paperwork completed, time for some more arrival information:
"Use of mobile phones is prohibited throughout the flight because it may interfere with aircraft navigation, they are also banned in Nepal because they may be used to destabilise the country and send it totally off course."
"Cabin Crew: doors to manual and ejector seat on automatic for black-listed passenger on seat 11A."
Finally, we touchdown and there is just enough time for one last announcement: "Ladies and Gentlemen, in case yoiu hadn\'t noticed, we have just landed at Tribhuban Interception Airport in Kathmandu. Please reset your watches back 45 years, and use the emergency exits for disembarkation.
