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Now that we have those legal niceties out of the way, we can get down to what you have all been impatiently waiting for with barely-concealed boredom, which is a roundup of this week's main events:

Leaders Irked by Continued Freedom

Political leaders and activists who have not been taken into custody have complained that they are still free to roam around the streets.

"It's been a week and they have still not put me under preventive detention," complained a Nepali Congress leader on condition of anonymity, "This is discrimination, what do I have to do, burn some more tyres?"

A multi-partisan group calling itself the All-Nepal Federation of Unjustly Undetained Politicians threatened to launch a decisive nationwide stir if their demand to be arrested without further ado is not implemented with immediate effect by the concerned higher-up authority.

The statement said: "If they don't put us under house arrest, then we'll go into cardiac arrest."

Togo Felicitated

HMG has congratulated the Democratic People's Republic of Togo on the smooth transition to a new government.
A free email SMS was sent to the new leader of Togo, Dr Sir Tyronne George Baboonga Wala-wala, MBE, wishing him personal happiness and prosperity and the Togolese people continued progress in their relentless march towards being a pariah state.

"We know what it is like to be one of the poorest countries in the world and it heartens us to see that you are doing a great job maintaining that position and being reviled by the international community," the message read, adding, "one has to do what one has to do."

In another congratulatory message the Chairman of the Nepal-Togo Friendship Society expressed the hope that bilateral relations between the two countries would expand in the years to come in the spirit of panchashila and mutual respect for each other's sovereignty and territorial integrity. He added: "I am glad to note that there are no major bilateral irritants between Togo and Nepal, and we hope that will change in the not-too-distant future."

Nation Already in Ballantine's Day Mood

Every country in the world marks the International Day of Love on 14 February in its own quaint way and Nepal is no exception.

This year's Ballantine's Day will be celebrated for three days nationwide in a grand manner under the slogan 'Make Love Not War'. Most people will stay at home to implement it (but only in groups of five people or less) nursing scotches on the rocks and drinking themselves silly, according to a press release issued by the Chairman of the Publicity sub-Committee of the All-Nepal Ballantine's Day Commemoration Main Committee.

"You'll all be pleashed to know, hic, that at the present time advansh shelebrations have already shtarted," said the sub-Chairman of the Nursing Committee at a pre-launch press conference, denying rumours that he was sloshed. "My speech may be slurred, but I am not plastered," he added, instructing journalists to exercise restraint and only report "the tooth and nothing but the tooth".