Hold it right there. Where do you suppose you are going? You think you can just walk in here and start reading this column? Stand back, we need to frisk you first. What is your user name? What is your password? Do you have security clearance?
Easy for you, isn't it? Do you have any idea how difficult it is to produce this junk week in and week out? This is serious garbage we are churning out here, it's no joke.
Anyway, here is my 15-point demand and if they are not met immediately I will begin a decisive relay pen-down strike at Ratna Park and stop all traffic indefinitely and will only call it off after human rights organisations and civil society make a unanimous request in writing duly notarised by a gazetted officer of His Majesty's Non-government.
his is one of the great things about living in a democracy: the fact that a man on the street can march on the street to uphold the right to kowtow to authority, toe the party line, practice elocution and get some exercise. After all, there can be no democracy without demos and there can be no demos without taking out a post-prandial procession.
This is the land of jatras and no matter if you are protesting regression, demanding peace, desiring an immediate end to corruption, taking out a procession to wish a higher up authority happy birthday, commemorating the International Gastroenteritis Week or an agitated taxi driver, get your placard, light some torches, organise banners, clear your throat and go take a walk in the middle of the street.
The first rule is: for a demo to be successful it must inconvenience the maximum number of people and the best way to do that is to squat on the middle of the road in the middle of rush hour. This week alone, we had a plethora of demos which were a grand success because nothing moved the whole day. They were:
Rally of DV Victims: Hundreds of US diversity visa lottery rejects blocked traffic and shouted slogans like: "Green Card is a Basic Human Right", "Long Live Imperialist Running Dogs", "Long Live the Royal American Army", and "Yankees, Go Home but Take Us with You".
Torch Procession of Gubernatorial Candidates: Several hundred aspirants for the governorship of the Nepal Rastra Bank took out a torchlit rally this evening to stake their claim for the job. If the prime minister won't make them governor, they said they'd settle for peon.
Pashupatinath Shutdown: The high priests of Pashupatinath gheraoed Nepal's holiest shrine and took to the streets of the capital demanding their god-given right to remain middlemen in all cash transactions between ordinary mortals and the Almighty.
UML Anti-government Julus: The main partner in the ruling coalition took out a procession to protest the acts of commission and omission of their own ministers in government. They carried placards that read: 'Down With Our Very Own Governmen&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#'&#̵'216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;216;', 'Our Turn Now To Make Omissions' and 'Give Us Our Cut'.
Corruption Motorcycle Rally: A cross-section of society, including dacoits, crooks, highway robbers and revenue officials organised a motorcycle rally demanding an immediate 20 percent increase in kickback, loot and bribes saying it was getting difficult to make ends meet. "Bribes should keep up with inflation, we haven't had an increase in decades," said one red-handed section officer.
Journalists March: Media persons from all walks of life, including columnists and fellow-communists, took to the streets of the capital for no particular reason. Said one scribe to this scribe: "It's a slow news week and we were bored stiff, so we took out a procession to perk things up." The march was chaired by Rishi Dhamala.
