News this week that the noted Indian godman, Shankar Acharya, was thinking of retiring in Nepal just before being nabbed by Madras Police is an indication of this country's enormous potential as a retirement destination.

Our tourism planners should try to cash in on the huge worldwide market for ex-tyrants, retired despots and tycoons who are on the lookout of a safe haven where they will be left alone in the autumn of their lives to splurge their ill-gotten wealth. Nepal offers the perfect destination for them: laws are lax, the scenery is nice and they will feel right at home here among local gangsters who are among the world's friendliest.

But it would be foolish to rest on our laurels and wait for the world's genocidal cliques and mass murderers to come to us. Competition is stiff, and other countries are vying to entice them with incentives like tax holidays, one-window cash repatriation and free dental treatment. There are countries with a lot of experience in this field: Saudi Arabia hosted Ugandan pensioner Idi Amin for the rest of his natural life and even allowed him to indulge in occasional cannibalism to keep him happy.

Emperor Bokassa spent his retirement and all the money he plundered from the Chadian exchequer in France. Baby Doc Duvalier also retired in the south of France with his Tonton Macoute comrades and found it quite agreeable. Florida is the favourite destination for Latin American junta retirees, superannuated death squad leaders and failed coup plotters where they find the climate salubrious and local politicos whose values agree with their own.

What I'm trying to say is that despite Nepal's myriad advantages, it is not going to be a cakewalk to convince the world's ex-tinpot dictators to come here. What do we offer that others don't? What is our USP? Our thinking needs to be strategic and we must have a masterplan. A grand design, if you will. I'm sure His Majesty's Government is thinking of ways to skim off the pension of the world's scum.

The first thing of course is never to sign any extradition treaties with anyone. That would instantly destroy efforts to promote Nepal as a retirement destination. For example, Mr Radovan Karadic may feel perfectly at home in Nepal these days and we could probably convince him to come, but why should he if he knows that we could hand him over to the ICJ in The Hague? Ditto for Mr Dawood.

The second thing is to restore dictatorship in Nepal so overseas despots can hit the ground running when they arrive. What noted international thugs also like about Nepal is that even if they are arrested by mistake, jail breaks and flying out undetected can be arranged. (Theme song: 'Where have you gone, Mr Robinson?')

But we also need to be more proactive in pin-pointing potential retirees. First thing we have to do is shortlist the target group, and in the national interest I'd like to propose a few notorious names:

1. Saddam Hussein (We could put him on a retainer as a human rights adviser.)
2. Mobutu Sese Seko (Will be allowed to wear a hat made of snow leopard fur while here.)
3. Imelda Marcos (She can stash Swiss cash via hundi, and we'll throw in a couple of hundred pairs of shoes for free.)