Nepali Times
KUNDA DIXIT
Under My Hat
More FAQs

KUNDA DIXIT


There are many things about our ancient culture and tradition that our founding forefathers bequeathed to the current generation, and being an obedient and disciplined race, we never bothered to question them. Until today.

The modern generation has a healthy scepticism of anything that harks back to pre-October Fourth and demands an explanation as to why we are mandatorily required by law to puff into our fingers if we inadvertently touch our Adam's Apple. And once we tell them that it is an effective antidote to goitre, the modern generation is perfectly satisfied with that explanation and promptly starts blowing on its fingers and thus passes on this important preventive remedy to the next generation of post-modern Nepali youth.

Similarly, there are many other aspects of everyday life in Kathmandu that flummox even longtime residents, but they have been afraid to demand an explanation because of the newly-promulgated Totally Arbitrary Detention Ordinance (TADO). Luckily, there is now a safe way to get answers to the questions vexing us, without fear of being locked up for a year without trial. Just ask me. That's right, simply send me an email with your frequently asked questions and I'll try my utmost to promptly delete it with all the spam.

And here is the moment you have all been waiting for, as we bring you this week's answers to your FAQs:

Q: What, or who, is a feu de joie and how does one pronounce the darn thing?
A: Feu de joie is a very spicy appetiser made up of fried goat's guts pickled in red hot chillies that is named after the simultaneous firing of hundreds of muskets every Dasain at Tundikhel to scare off our enemies because that's what it sounds like when aforementioned innards are being extirpated the day after. Government Health Warning: After partaking of a feu de joie, always keep a fire extinguisher on standby and notify the bomb squad. To pronounce: say foie de gras and joie de vivre over and over, faster and faster twice a day after meals.

Q: Why is Darbar Marg the only street in the kingdom with fluorescent road dividers?
A: So you can see the centreline at night, stupid.

Q: Is there any significance to the presence of a snow leopard pelt and a stuffed tiger standing on its hind legs in the room where new cabinets are sworn in?
A: The leopard is a subtle environmental message to new inductees that His Majesty's Government is serious about not letting fur creep back into fashion. The tiger is a reminder to the new prime minister that he, too, may one day be turned into a trophy.

Q: How come Kathmandu has two-day weekends and the rest of the country has only Saturday off?
A: To show the rest of the country who's boss. Next question.

Q: Why are tourists allowed to bring only two perambulators into the kingdom?
A: In case you didn't know: this is a country at war. All imports have to be vetted for possible military applications, especially if (like us) our armed forces intelligence can't figure out what on earth perambulators are. But they do sound like wheeled all-terrain vehicles, and we don't want them to fall into the wrong hands do we?

Q: Is there any reason why you shouldn't be put under preventive custody under TADO for not blowing into your fingers after touching your Adam's Apple?
A: None whatsoever.


LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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