The aviation sector worldwide is being swept by a tradition of low-cost, no frills airlines offering flights for as cheap as Siganpore-Bangkok for one dollar roundtrip. No catch, no fine print.
Thank heavens that in Nepal, despite deregulation, our domesticated airlines haven't stooped as low as that yet. Our airlines will never sacrifice the friendly and helpful in-flight service that they have come to be renowned for in our internal routes just to undercut rivals by slashing fares and getting into a suicidal price war. No sir, here we have opted to keep fares high and slash services instead.
It speaks volumes about our sense of commitment to comfortable and reliable air transportation, that Nepal's no-budget airlines would rather make passengers pay through their noses than provide them unnecessary luxuries while going from Point A to Point B.
When domestic flights first started in Nepal, they used to offer passengers actual meals. As time went on, they got rid of the samosas, the next to go were the chicken patties, then they took away the barf bags and finally they got rid of the co-pilots. But not to worry, Nepal is still the only country where ex-beauty queens fly planes and we don't have to pay anything extra for it. In any other part of the world they'd have a surcharge for that.
Nepal is also one of the few places in the world, besides Idi Amin's Uganda, where VIPs are allowed up to the plane in their SUVs if they can prove beyond reasonable doubt to the security personnel on duty that they have contributed in some measure to ruining the country. Next time, ex-prime ministers should take the ramp buses because some of them actually look more airworthy than the aircraft they take you up to.
For a time, airlines used to offer us the luxury of pre-flight cotton wool and candy ("Yes, sir, the cotton goes into your ear canal and the toffee goes into your alimentary canal, or is it the other way around?"). But as a cost-cutting drive and to avoid further confusion on the 12-minute Kathmandu-Simara shuttle these days they pass around chewing gum which you are supposed to stuff into your ears after chewing thus saving the airline industry lakhs of rupees a year.
With the recent hike in the price of av gas, domestic airlines have increased fares and stripped their planes of everything except the bare minimum required to defy gravity. All seats have been taken off on flights to and from Pokhara on Gundruk Class passengers have to strap hang, while in Royal Uneconomic Class at the front of the plane, premium passengers can sit cross-legged on straw mats on the floor of the cabin. In the interest of space, toilets have been done away with, but a hatch is available for in-flight emergencies. (Not to be used while flying over populated areas.) Due to popular demand in the runup to the holiday season on flights to remote area airstrips, goats will be allowed on board as carry-on baggage provided they do not exceed the dimensions of the overhead racks. If they do, the goats will have to ride on the roof cheek-to-jowl with standby passengers.
"Ladies and gentlemen, in a few moments we shall be touching down in Kathmandu. Please stand in an upright position and hang by the overhead straps for landing. May we remind you to please stow the gum you are chewing in your ear canals at this time. Thank you for choosing Fly-by-Night Airways."
