As gatekeepers of a newspaper of record, it behooves us to respect the great faith and trust that you, our valued customers, have place upon us by ensuring strict quality control over the items that we allow to see the light of day. This means eternal vigilance to ensure that only news that grows on the finest vines, is freshly plucked, juicy, succulent and ripe will be allowed to pass on to the fermentation vats where they will be turned into vintage editorials that will age graciously and can be enjoyed decades hence.

In this day and age, it is impossible to verify every rumour so we don't bother anymore. We just go ahead and print them all, and let the chips fall where they may. After all, rumour has it, where there is smoke there must be fire. Readers today also have short attention spans, and I know from past experience that you have most certainly stopped reading thus far into this influential column so I can write just about anything here on forth and it won't make an iota of difference.

In fact, now that no one is actually reading this, I can say the most outrageous things about our current rulers and get away with it because I'm sure they're all watching Latvia vs the Czech Republic and not doing what they should be doing which is: induct new ministers into the cabinet. And that brings us to the first item in this roundup of the week's most important events:

CPN(UML), NC(D) CWC OK CMP
Agencies
KATHMANDU - Six months after being appointed PM, Mr Sher Bahadur Deuba has finally agreed with Mr Madhab Kumar Nepal on a Common Minimum Programme (CMP), senior sources opined Thursday.

The CMP includes provisions for a future coalition government not to do more work than is absolutely necessary and get by with the minimum. It is reliably learnt that this landmark agreement between the two leaders means the last hurdle for the formation of an all-party cabinet has been cleared and an announcement to this effect is expected by the second half of 2007 AD.

"A common minimum program is needed because we don't want any coalition partner to show extra initiative and do something foolish like sign a peace agreement," the source, who requested anonymity, told scribes at an off-the-record television interview.

Regression Takes A Rain Check
BY OUR REGRESSIVE ANALYST

KATHMANDU - The four-party alliance has decided to suspend its anti-regression street agitation at Ratna Park because of the onset of the rainy season, it was announced Wednesday.

The alliance leaders said they had received a credible weather forecast from the Met Department that monsoon rains may be headed our way and the streets may be muddy in isolated parts of the Kingdom.

But in a fiery speech this week, alliance leader Girija Prasad Koirala said he was keeping all options open. "The king has no right to hire and fire prime ministers, and after the rains we will resume our protests unless he makes me prime minister," he thundered, adding for good measure: "Nepal has no future with Nepal."