Along, long time ago, when the world was still young, our forefathers had just shed their tails and learnt to walk erect when they discovered that one needn't actually get up and physically transport oneself to the television set in order to change channels. One could do it from the comfort of one's prehistoric sofa while balancing a large helping of Doritos on one's belly. What exact sequence of events led to the invention of the remote control we will never know for sure, but it probably had something to do with necessity being the mother of invention. This dramatic discovery of the wireless wand was to have a profound impact on human beings and determine their current shape and size.

The possession of a remote control was a symbol of where executive authority actually resided among our cave-dwelling forebears. Whoever controlled the remote control was in control. And, usually, it would be the patriarch. It was unthinkable for him to pause on one channel for more than a split second, so he would surf ad infinitum and the entire clan was forced to watch what he watched. They got a tour de horizon of the programs on offer, but he never stayed on MTV long enough. His grandchildren had been taught to respect elders so they tolerated this for a while, but they soon realised that the only way to change such a hereditary feudal system was to rise up and physically wrest the remote control away from grandad's hands. Which is what they did.

Thanks to parliamentary democracy and advances in modern science, it is hard for us to imagine that in those primitive times a remote only controlled the television set. Today, there are remotes for the DVD, cable decoder, airconditioner, radio, laundry machine, garage door, dishwasher, vacuum cleaner and even the remote controlled toilet seat so that one needn't physically be present in the bathroom while attending to calls of nature anymore. Come to think of it, there was really no need for Homo erectus to learn to walk upright at all, we can regress to all fours and grow back our tails.

I don't know about you, but the real challenge these days is to manage all the remotes around the house. There are so many of them that finding the right one for the right gadget itself eats up a large chunk of time. Some ideas:

Master Remote: This is essential piece of household equipment allows you to locate lost remotes using an in-built GPS and also be programmed to simultaneously control your remote toothbrush while having a remote shave.

Husband Remote: Modern housewives can use this like a cattle prod to zap their husbands with laser beams in their vitals when they fail to get up in the morning or vegetate for a whole month in front of the telly watching Euro 2004.

Super Remote: Can be incorporated into your mobile turning your cell phone into an omnibus remote that can do everything from changing channels at home while you are at work, thawing the lasagna in the microwave from five km away and adjusting the volume control on your live-in mother-in-law.

Royal Remote: This is the remote that controls all other remotes remotely.