Whatever people may tell you, unlike some other parts of this paper, we don't make anything up on the last page. No sir, out here we adhere strictly to the vows we took when we were ordained as journalists, the most fundamental of which was the rule on page 126 which said: "Thou shan't bullshit."

Jokes aside, it is one of the basic rules of journalism that you shouldn't make anything up, unless it is an emergency, in which case you qualify the sentence with the all-purpose adverb (or is it a gerund?) 'allegedly'. Eg: Newspapers allegedly tell the truth and nothing but the truth.

Unfortunately, the sad fact is that mediapersons these days are such compulsive liars that even when we finally get around to telling the truth, no one believes us. So you better believe me when I tell you about this true incident that allegorically took place at Jorpati intersection, and we have pictures to prove it:

Bull falls into pothole
BY OUR BOVINE CORRESPONDENT
The resident bull of Jorpati Intersection, Kalu, 17, inadvertently fell into a pothole Tuesday and it took emergency services all day to rescue him from the pit.

Large crowds of curious onlookers, including several of Kalu's concubines, had gathered to cheer on the rescuers as they undertook the complicated extrication procedure which lasted, oh let's see, six hours or so. "As an endangered species of street fauna, it is important for the authority figures to rescue the animal and restore him to his native habitat as fast as it is humanely possible," said the warden of the Pashupati Forest Reserve.

However, as it turned out, rescuing bulls from potholes is easier said than done. At first, local Good Samaritans from the Pashupati area decided to take the bull by the horns and pull with all their might. But to no avail. Next, a squad from the Unarmed Police Force arrived and tried to bribe the bull by dangling yummy bits of national daily broadsheets, the favourite snack of Kathmandu's bovines. Having, by this time, worked up a bit of hunger, Kalu made a lunge for the newspapers but, alas, could not overcome gravity.

Finally, someone got the bright idea of calling for an eight ton bulldozer (so named for their ability to dredge bulls) which was finally able to winch the animal out of the hole that he had got himself into. Kalu was euphoric after his rescue, asking television reporters: "Will I make it on the seven o'clock news tonight?"

Officials from the Department of Roads and Craters said that Wednesday's incident had proven beyond reasonable doubt that the dimensions of Kathmandu's potholes now meet ISO9002 criteria. "Our potholes used to be of substandard size, now that we have proved that a bull can comfortably fit into them it is only a question of time before a bus falls into one of our potholes."

Bull in China Shop
BY A MAD COW
A bull that snuck into the China Shop at Bagh Bazar was not there to shatter the ceramics, but was only looking for knockoff DVDs from Khasa, authoritarian sources said Thursday.

The manager of the store raised the alarm when he spotted an ox allegedly behaving in a suspicious manner in the consumer electronic section on his close circuit monitor. "We are always on alert here for bulls running amok in our shop because of our name and we don't take any chances," he added. As he was led away by security forces, the bull, who didn't want to be quoted by name, said : "Given the state of the country, I thought it was Gai Jatra already."