Someone has to put a stop to this wave of crass commercialisation of the male body that is sweeping the nation. Being in possession of a male body myself, this scribe can empathise with fellow pharisees who have to put up with this sort of nonsense. It hurts a man's feelings when he is treated as little more than a sex object and not valued for the contributions he can make to society-at-large through voluntary men-only activities like, let's say, attending to the call of nature, in full view of passersby, to irrigate trees that line the Ring Road.
Just put yourself in our shoes, and imagine what it feels like to be a man on the street minding your own business whereupon every passing female thinks it is her god-given right to look you over, pass complimentary remarks about your proboscis, blow wolf-whistles and (if you are lucky) even say something obscene. Think of the humiliation, the mortification, the ignominy that we men have to put up with every day with such demeaning objectification. This adam-teasing has to stop, otherwise we will nab the miscreants. Promise.
The only way we, who are proud to call ourselves members of the unfair sex, can fight back is to keep on staging our own all-male beauty pageants so that we are not ashamed anymore of our craggy good looks, so that we can hold our heads high again and go boldly forth where no man has gone before to set new standards of masculinity by getting a nose job.
Some of the contestants have already started practicing for their favourite event on this year's Mr Handsome Nepal pageant: the Bikini Round that is guaranteed to separate the sheep from the goats. This year, since the pageant is being held in the dead of winter inside an unheated auditorium, the organisers have permitted contestants to shashay down the catwalk in their undies. Skin-tight thermal long johns are being allowed, as are boxer shorts-type A-fronts. There will inevitably be the macho show-offs who will insist on donning fetching Speedo girdles and freeze their asses off, so emergency services will be on hand to thaw out their frost-bitten rear ends.
Contestants will be awarded points based on various characteristic attributes of Nepali maledom, like: the lard content of their voluptuous girth measured by accurate Vernier calipers, the texture and thickness of the fur on their rump, the malodour coefficient of their armpits, and the ability to clear their bronchial tubes in a single drag and propel its content from the window of a moving bus to score a direct hit at a passerby.
After this gruelling event, the men will be ready to face the Interview Round during which they will conduct a man-to-man chat with the judges who will throw a lot of trick question their way, like: "What kind of men-only voluntary contribution are you willing to make to society-at-large?"
