Recent archaeological excavations in the Handigau area have brought to light many antiquities, including fossilised remains of early newspapers, which offer us a rare glimpse at everyday life in ancient Kathmandu. Transcribing selected news items from these prehistoric periodicals also give us an indication about how much progress we have made in this country in the field of mass communications since those primitive times. Researchers have only recently finished deciphering the following reports, and we can't help but poke fun at the quaint news sense and laughable reportages of our forebears who euphemistically called themselves 'journalists' in that hoary epoch of our nation's turbulent history.

This exclusive news item was headlined in
The Uprising Nepal of 17 September, 1795:

Prince Of Transylvania Felicitated
KATHMANDU: King Girban Yuddha has sent a message of felicitation to the Prince of Transylvania on the happy occasion of the National Day of Transylvania. In the message His Majesty has extended his best wishes for the personal health and happiness of the Prince as well as prosperity for the good citizens of Transylvania. The message further stated: "As a matter of interest, we want to ask you if it is also usual practice in your country to make messages of felicitation such as these headlines in your state-owned media? Because it is over here. Ciao."

The Mahabharat Times outscooped all other papers on 3 June, 1808 with this breaking news from the northern frontier:

Ilegal Aliens To Be Deported
KERUNG: Two Capucin monks who entered Nepal on tourist visas and have overstayed in the kingdom have been apprehended by the Royal Immigration and Naturalisation Service and will soon be deported to the Tyrolean Alps.
Their application for political asylum in Nepal have been rejected because the Immigration Court is not convinced that the hermits will face serious religious persecution from a rival sect if they are sent home. The brothers have decided to appeal the verdict, during which time they will be kept under lock and key.

And then, this editorial from the Gorkhaprattle:

Conquer now, rule later
Continuing the blitzkrieg into Kumaon, our gallant forces have routed the British at Nalapani. This is indeed heartening news, even though Col Kirkpatrick of the East India Company, Pvt Ltd in Calcutta has, predictably, pooh-poohed it in an interview with Larry King. Reports reaching here from the front say a fierce battle had raged for days and the enemy was finally obliged to flee with its tail between its legs, although the exact position of its tail has not yet been independently verified at presstime. The question that must be asked is this: now that Nepal stretches from Tista to Sutlej what are we going to do with it? Readers are asked to submit their suggestions by Friday, and the author of the best essay will be asked to run this country since the present rulers don't seem to have a clue.