If the number of futuristic Indian astrologers descending upon us these days is any indication, then this country is heading into a glorious sunset. Anthropologists have long been convinced that only when a people develop an extraordinary interest in their own future do they strive for betterment. One thing we now know for sure is that Nepal has a future, we just don't know what kind of future it is. And that is why the invasion of Indian soothsayers, each more famous than the other according to ads in the national press, is a welcome development. We need these foreign zodiacal consultants to help fill the yawning gap in our national early warning system so we can better prepare ourselves to deal with untoward incidents in the coming months.
Our own expertise in the arena of futurology is comparatively insignificant. Peptic ulcers being Nepal's national disease, we are more preoccupied with the here and now. No doubt, when it comes to our tummies we are the world's foremost authorities on gastronomy, gastrophysics and gastrology. But it is in astrology that we lag behind the rest of the world. For comparison, just look at the rapid strides our next-door neighbour, India, has taken in the high-tech field of fortune-telling.
Forewarned is forearmed. And our motto, too, should be: "When you have a horoscope, you don't need a telescope." The sooner we realise that our nation's destiny is governed by the position of the constellations vis-?-vis the asteroid belt and develop our own indigenous expertise, the better it will be for all concerned. But till that time, alas, we will have to rely on foreigners to drive our destiny.
Some of the Indian astrologers currently in the capital can allegedly make extraordinarily accurate predictions by reading the photos or faces of clients, even without consulting their horoscopes. Wow. If you are worried about remarriage, divorce, the ceasefire, your cinematic career or even your peptic ulcers, you can have your future, however dire, foretold.
Nations, too, have horoscopes. And in these uncertain times it is good to know what is pre-ordained, so that we can all sit back and relax, safe in the knowledge that what will be, will be. We have here in our possession a leaked classified copy of Nepal's horoscope, and in the national interest we reprint it below in the strictest confidence provided you promise not to tell anyone:
'With Mars in midheaven in Nepal and closest to Earth than it has ever been since the days of the Neanderthal Man, we are looking at a lot more monkeying around in the Himalaya. The current Libra-Aries opposition is identical to their placement during the Peloponnesian War in 476 BC when the plague struck Athens and Rome sacked Carthage. But, not to worry, all is hunkydory because of a Neptune-Uranus conjunction in the 7th. There is nothing that can go wrong, because nothing is going on."
