REQUEST FOR QUOTATIONS
Veteran journalist seeks interview with any minister who can furnish quotes for an article on Present State of the Nation. No guarantee that quote will be accurate or contextualised. Only ministers who have nothing to say will be entertained. Interviews once published cannot be denied, or withdrawn. Contact: 'Quoteman'

COUNTRY TO-LET
Country in semi-knockdown condition is available for long-term lease to qualified Class One Contractors with at least 25 years experience in managing failed states. Present owners have messed it up so much that selected team will have to pretty much start from scratch. Interested firms can inspect aforementioned unserviceable country in stripped condition in as-it-always-was condition anytime in its landlocked location, provided they do not disturb the deep slumber of its current rulers.

Leasee reserves right to accept or reject all applicant teams in full or part thereof without assigning any reason whatsoever. In other words, we'll pick whoever we like and the rest of you can go chew the cud.
Successful team will have to take part from Day One in all duties of state including: launching websites, delivering key-note speeches at regional conferences on the importance of being earnest in the age of economic globalisation, and attending ribbon-cutting ceremonies to mark the Destruction Nepal Year 2004 Campaign.

VACANCIES

A Soft State Between Two Boulders is re-advertising for the following openings:

A Saviour:
Should be an almighty, omnipresent know-it-all patron deity who can solve all our problems overnight so we won't have to worry about anything anymore. Knowledge of website design and Flash applications will be an advantage. Sri Pashupatinath eligible to reapply.
An Interim All-Party Government (Housekeeping):
Candidate must exhibit leadership qualities and command a competent team of technocrats. Only teams with absolutely no experience in horsetrading, passing the buck, wheeling-dealing, street arson, organising three-day bandhs, forcing school lockouts, kleptomania, junketeering, and selling-out the national interest need apply. On-the-job experience and career advancement guaranteed.

Trainee Chief Executive Officer:
Should be at least SLC Pass, and capable of understanding and carrying out orders from higher-up authority. Can be made permanent and promoted to Food and Beverage Manager if performance is satisfactory in organising and managing parties.

EXPRESSION OF INTEREST
The Federation of Boarding Schools South of the Border (FoBS-SoB) is in the process of drawing up a roster of senior Nepali political figures involved in ordering the current campaign of school closures who want to send their children to schools down south. Politicos interested in participating in the above-mentioned one-time offer may collect application forms at all leading party headquarters. Strictly on last-come-last-served basis, seats unlimited. Only politicians able to prove genuine commitment to wrecking Nepal's education system need apply. Motto: Nepal's Loss is Our Gain.