It is our job as journalists (motto: "The truth shall prevail, unless it's a lie") to keep all and sundry informed about the activities, however trivial, of our public figures' private lives. That is why we will go to any length to ferret out the facts: even if it means joining an all-expenses paid junket to Japan and never coming back. Being curious cats of the fourth estate, we are duty-bound to let the cat out of the bag. We tell all. We spill the beans, and the let the chips fall where they may.

Many of you may have heard that there is now a top secret code of conduct in effect which is such a well-guarded secret that no one actually knows what it contains. Which is just as well. Being Nepalis, we would probably break every rule in the book if we knew what those rules were. Nevertheless, it is our sworn duty as professional snoops to decode the code of conduct. This is what we have managed to dig up so far:

Preamble to the Code of Conduct
Given, that Nepal is a sweet potato,
Bearing in mind, that we are landlocked between a rock and a hard place,
Conscious, of the fact that the yam is rotten to the core and there are worms crawling all over it,
Bearing in mind also, that if things go on at this rate the said sweet potato will be history,
Considering, that it behooves us more than ever before to close our ranks to better meet the hopes and expectations our people have nurtured for decades,
Convinced, that the United Nations charter reaffirms the faith of the International Community in the dignity and sanctity of the human person, the equality of the rights of men and women, as well as the right of every small nation to be invaded by the world's only superpower,
Determined, to defend the right of every citizen to do exactly what he and/or she pleases,
Aware, that most of us couldn't be bothered which bunch of crooks replaces the present bunch of crooks,
Recalling, that the International Potato Institute in the 1954 Quito Declaration in its Article 129 stipulated that all yams shall be subject only to such limitations as are determined by law solely for the purpose of securing due recognition, respect, right and freedoms of other potatoes, either sweet or otherwise,
In view of the aforementioned:

1. A Goodwill Volleyball Match will be held between the two Negotiating Teams to break the ice this weekend at the Dashrath Stadium. The Government Team will wear daura suruwals, while the Ungovernment Team will wear tweed caps.
2. The Ungovernment side shall not turn down any invitation to attend ribbon-cutting and lamp-lighting ceremonies, music CD launches, bartamans, weddings, Ghode Jatras, anti-Iraq war rallies and interaction programs followed by dosallah-wearing. In each venue, comrades shall deliver a speech lasting not less than a half-hour each.
3. Both Negotiating Teams are entitled to be accompanied by three bodyguards per member, who shall stand backstage wearing wrap-around designer shades and olive green flak jackets with an ominous bulge on the leftside.
4. The captains of the Ungovernment Negotiating Team shall follow these guidelines for dealing with media: give at least one interview daily in all the capital's newspapers provided nothing of any substance is actually uttered, hold one press conference every other day where all reporters will be mandatorily flogged with a bamboo cane before they enter the venue.