Thanks to recent advances in Information Technology, it is now possible for us to receive vital tips for living our lives to the fullest right here in the comfort of our office computers. It is tempting for us to take the information revolution for granted, but imagine how lost we would be if there was no one offering us discounted purchases of viagra online, or telling us how to get a 5.25percent 30 year fixed rate mortgage.

Imagine, all this knowledge and tip-offs are sent to me personally by anonymous benefactors for 100percent free of cost. And, as our forefathers taught us, we should never turn down anything that
is free.

To those of you who just delete their junk mail without even thinking, a word of warning: you may be throwing away your chance of being a virile billionaire with a double PhD from the University of Phoenix, have incredibly white teeth, and be the proud owner of a Honda Civic for just $100! How? Just send me your credit card number and date of expiry. (Ha-ha-ha! Just joking.) As a matter of fact, all you have to do is disable the spam guard on your internet, and the world becomes your oyster:

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Dear Sir:
I request you to let your government know that I am very distressed to learn about the mass sacrifices of animals at the annual Gadimai Mela in Bara District. How dare you carry out this savage act against innocent creatures when you are perfectly aware that ten times as many animals are beheaded in our abattoirs every month? Please let your government know that they shouldn't try to compete with us in barbarism against the animal kingdom.
Yours, Outraged.

Dear Sir: Thank you for your response to my letter of 15th instant. We are glad that you have just deposited $800,000 in our bank account in the Cayman Islands. You have made the right decision. To answer your query about when 75% of Mr Sonny Abacha's inheritance will be transferred to your own offshore account, let me assure you on my Scout's Honour ("Cross my heart and hope to die.") that we will do this in the not too distant future.
Mufasa Matata & Co.
Solicitors to the Estate of
Mr Sonny Abacha

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S. 1618 Title III passed by the 105th US Congress, satire columns like this one cannot be considered spam as long as we include an eject button. If this column was unsolicited, and you got hoodwinked into reading it, please accept our deepest apologies. Per the proposed HR 3113 Unsolicited Commercial Columnist Act of 2002, further transmission to you by the sender can be stopped at no cost to you.