As is well known to all and sundry (mostly sundry), there is evidence of a certain degree of laxity on the part of God towards this country of late. If the almighty is as compassionate and considerate about our welfare as is reported in the national electronic media from time to time, then how come traffic is so bad on Putali Sadak? How come I haven't yet got a raise? These were some of the burning national issues that were raised during a rally outside the gates of heaven recently.

In order to find out exactly what is going through God's mind, Larry King recently obtained this exclusive interview. God does not usually give interviews to television journalists (considering them, as he puts it in his infinite wisdom, "the scum of the earth") but it is an honour even for God to be interviewed by CNN. So, in a rare and exclusive live studio chat, God spoke frankly and freely on a range of issues including regime change in Iraq, the Kyoto Protocol, and the goings on in a tiny and far-flung Himalayan kingdom. Excerpts:

Larry King: Allow us, first of all, to say how glad we are that you agreed to fit us into your tight schedule. We know you are terribly busy these days.
God: Glad to be here, there, and everywhere.

Q: Mr God, sir, how many of you are there actually? Some say you are one, while others believe you are member of a divine jumbo cabinet.
A: Well, Larry, in the last census in heaven there were 33 million of us, give or take a few hundred thousands. But since then, most have emigrated to New Zealand and sought political asylum, and many have been stolen and are now residing in museums in Austria. So, that leaves just me up here to hold the fort.

Q: This must put a lot of pressure on your time, having to take care of the day-to-day affairs in paradise. Is this why you have let the landlocked kingdom of Nepal go down the tubes?
A: Yes, and no. It is true that on any given day, I have to use my executive powers to straighten things out not just in your universe, but in parallel universes as well. I am aware that things are drifting a bit in Nepal, and I have send instructions down to my emissary there, Mr Pashupati Nath, to do whatever he deems fit within the constitutional framework to bring things back to normalcy. He's been a bit tied up with demolitions lately, and putting his own house in order, but he should be getting down to banging some heads together very soon.

Q: Is it true that you are cooperating with the CIAA to debar corrupt people from going to heaven?
A: Yes, we have signed an MoU to that effect under which those convicted on graft charges will spend a transit period at a halfway house in purgatory until their appeal is heard and, if found guilty, will burn in hell for eternity. We think this will serve as a deterrent to others who are tempted to steal from the people.

Q: And lastly, on a slightly personal note, are you a man or a woman, or both? This is a question that has bedeviled man since the dawn of history.
A: (Laughing heartily) That is a bit below the belt, Larry. And it just goes to show that you are the scum of the earth.