Nepali Times
KUNDA DIXIT
Under My Hat
Unrealistic items

KUNDA DIXIT


Two bits of news this week in the papers give us hope in these troubled times that there is indeed a strong possibility that there may after all be a silver lining at the end of the tunnel for Nepal's economy.

Being the 122nd poorest nation on earth, it is clear that we have to learn to live within our limited means. It does not behoove us to indulge in conspicuous consumption and snobbishly insist on only buying expensive genuine articles.

The first news item concerns an investor who decided to use his photocopier shop in Teku to churn out replicas of Indian 500 rupee notes, and distribute them to the needy and destitute. At the rate his business is expanding, Indian currency is going to be declared legal tender in this country, just like in the old days. Only this time, it is going to be counterfeit currency.

Our next Pirate of the Year is the fellow in Pyukha who is showing exemplary entrepreneurship by manufacturing imitation 555 cigarettes from the comfort of his own home. This guy is a genius. Ordinary Nepalis can't afford expensive 555s, so he slashes the price drastically and sells fake fags that look and feel just like the genuine article.

All right, all right, the cigarettes taste like you are inhaling combustible horse manure, but we're working on it, OK? You can't expect us to blend horse do-do perfectly at first shot, especially if you are paying for it with fake Indian notes. (Statutory Government Health Warning: It's going to kill you anyway, so it doesn't matter what you smoke.)

The important thing is that Nepal's private sector is concerned about creating new jobs and making Virginia blends trendy and affordable to the masses. And, instead of just sitting on their butts like the rest of us, our bold buccaneers are doing something about reviving economic activity.

What these two venture capitalist Nepali businesses have proven is that all it takes is a small amount of seed capital, imagination, and a can-do-do attitude to launch an unrealistic product, and thus combine business with public service. Inspired by them, we are now processing applications for the manufacture of the following forged items:

. Pseudo-Pajeros. These are knock-offs of the actual Mitsubishi 4WDs, but for a fraction of the cost. So, if you are a politician, all you have to do is be only half-corrupt to be able to afford one of these.
. Quasi-Diesel. Instead of pure diesel, which is expensive, put a tiger in your tank by filling her up with affordable and high-octane kerosene.
. Phony-telephony. These designer brand mobiles with names such as Nakia, Sonny, and Mutterola are coming off the assembly lines in vast numbers at Khasa.
. Sham shampoo. Squeeze out a liberal amount of Head Over Shoulders shampoo with conditioner and rub gently over scalp, and rinse. Careful, now, we don't want the wig to fall off, do we?
. Pretend democracy. Feigning freedom in a make-believe land.


LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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