Given the rapid pace of renovation and beautification taking place in the nation's capital these days, we can be fairly certain that Nepal can make a successful bid to host the 2050 Football World Cup. One of the most important criteria that FIFA attaches to cities applying to organise the games is whether or not the host metropolis is self-sufficient in crazy hats. And as the world's major supplier of lunatic hats for the last three World Cups, Mayor Sthapit has assured FIFA's Site Selection Committee that there is no danger of Kathmandu running out of headgear in the run-up to the 2050 games.

So that just leaves us with the knotty question of ensuring that the Tinkune Intersection Beautification Campaign will see completion by January 2050. The Transportation Sub-Committee of the World Cup Organising Main Committee (Unified Marxist-Leninists) is optimistic that this should be possible, given the breakneck speed at which Obayashi-san and its subcontractors are rushing to make sure that the intersections intersect interestingly in keeping with internationally-certified norms and procedures.

According to a timetable made available to mediapersons this week, the sidewalks in Tinkune, Singha Darbar, Maitighar and Putali Sadak are scheduled for completion by 2010, the zebra crossings will be painted over by 2025, field trials and simulation exercises for traffic management are expected to be conducted in late 2032 and the traffic light synchronisation is expected to go into effect by 2049 in time for the formal handing over of the intersections to the City Fathers.

Since we are a nation that can now afford to hire Japanese contractors to build our pavements, there is little reason to doubt that we can also host the World Cup in 48 years time. Wanna bet? Heads I win, tails you lose. Bets once placed cannot be altered. Terms and Conditions apply. The decision of The Management is final.

Kathmandu and Patan have traditionally had a healthy competition ever since the Malla period when the two kingdoms fought wars and butchered each other's citizens. Today, this competition is manifested in the way in which the Patan Municipality, not to be outdone by the Kathmandu Metropolitan City, has made sure that not a single halogen street lamp installed during the SAARC Summit is in working condition. And once Kathmandu found out that Patan streets were dark, it has also decided to be one up on its friendly rival by switching off all street lights between Babar Mahal and Min Bhawan until further notice.

Patan's illustrious mayor's pet project is the gate that has been under construction at Bagmati Bridge since approximately the Bronze Age. The mayor has assured us that the gate will be complete by the time Patan co-hosts the 2050 World Cup. And, going by past experience, we have no reason to doubt him.