Being a nation of chronic optimists, our jovial and carefree temperament makes us Nepalis able to overcome any adversity and confront all challenges that fate may have in store for us.

Luckily, we have astrology to help us in our ability to anticipate events and therefore psychologically prepare ourselves for any mischief that the planets, in cahoots with the constellations, may have up their sleeves. Without this astrological Early Warning System we could very well be caught unawares as we go about our important task of national deconstruction.

For instance, if it wasn't for the Department of Astrology and Astrophysics at the Royal Nepal Academe of Scientologists and Technocrats (RONAST), the underground comrades would have been blissfully unaware that a planetary conjunction would favour a five-day national shutdown. It is our good fortune that Nepal's alert astrologers saw this coming, otherwise we may have squandered the banned days by inadvertently going to work.

For those of you who may have missed this news item in a Kathmandu daily last week about a conference that was convened precisely so we can predict the future even more accurately, I quote verbatim:

Crystal-gazing to stay: Astrologers
Kathmandu April 17-
Although astrology has carved a considerable niche among believers in Nepal and other places, sceptics still hound the scientific basis of the art of prediction. In order to protect astrology from vanishing, an association called \'Chinese-Tibetan Astrologers Academy' was established.

"Negative forces are decreasing the importance in our lives," said Astrologer Ganesh Bajra Lama. At the inaugural session of the academy, astrologers practicing both Chinese-Tibetan and Indian astrology today called for the protection of both forms of astrology stating that they are facing a danger of disappearing.

Speaking at the conference, Dr Keshar Jung Rayamajhi, chairman of the Royal Council, said that astrology is especially necessary during times of crises, and expressed concern over the "abnormal condition" of the country at the present moment.

As far as I can tell, the good doctor is spot on. He has hit the ball right on its head in the bulls eye. There is no gainsaying that we have been deficient in the employment of the Chinese-Tibetan astrological techniques. It's time to find out which animal rules our year. As Mao said: "There is an animal that hides in all our hearts."

Year of the RAT: 1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984. Makes a great underground leader, but basically a loner. Famous rats: Mick Jagger, Hulk Hogan, Zhou Enlai, Comrade Cloud.
Year of the OX: 1937, 1949, 1961, 1973, 1985. Please don't mind our saying so, but rather stubborn in your ways. Famous oxen: Arnold Swarzenegger, Josef Stalin, Ferdinand Marcos, Comrade Awesome.
Year of the TIGER: 1938, 1950, 1962, 1974, 1986. Cunning, sharp-witted, a creature of the night and can turn into man-eater. Famous tigers: Roxanne Barr, Margaret Thatcher, Indira Gandhi, Anagha Neelakantan.
Year of the RABBIT: 1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987. Opposite of tigers, but sure-footed and sensitive. Famous rabbits: Ben Kingsley, Roger Rabbit, Popeye.
Year of the DRAGON: 1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988. Don't over-commit, or push yourself too hard. Admit that not everyone finds you attractive. Famous dragons: Emperor Bokassa, Osama bin Laden, Queen Victoria, Puff.
Year of the SNAKE: 1941, 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989. Maintain a well-balanced diet and slither regularly. See a doctor if your venom count drops. Famous snakes: Frank Zappa, Che Guevara, Baby Doc
Duvalier, Comrade Hiss.
Year of the HORSE: 1942, 1954, 1966, 1978, 1990. Others may think you don't have much upstairs, so think before you neigh. Surprise them with flashes of brilliance. Famous Horses: Vladimir Putin, Dr Keshar Jung Rayamajhi, Comrade Boxer.
Year of the SHEEP: 1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991. This is the year to stop following and start leading, but do you know where you are going? Famous sheep: Johann Sebastian Bach, Englebert Humperdink, the Duke of York, Govinda Raj Joshi.
Year of the MONKEY: 1944, 1956, 1968,1980, 1992. Good at problem solving, can be too smart by half and this year stop scratching yourself in public. Famous monkeys: King Henry VIII, Mikhail Gorbachev, Rotarian Dilip Poudyal, Tarzan of the Apes, Comrade Hanuman.
Year of the ROOSTER: 1945, 1957, 1969, 1981, 1993. Being an early bird, you tend to get the worm. But don't underestimate the advantage of laziness in this day and age. Famous roosters: Michelle Pfeiffer, Chicken Little, Colonel Sanders, Comrade Ginger.
Year of the DOG: 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994. This is an excellent year for romance, but partnerships may change. Lady Dogs should watch out for smooth talkers. Famous dogs: Ernest Hemmingway, Emma Thompson, Chatyang Master, Comrade Lassie.
Year of the BOAR: 1947, 1959, 1971, 1982, 1995. Although you may be scintillating company, boredom is your biggest challenge this year. Famous boars: Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Zhao Ziyang, Napoleon, yours truly the Mad Hatter.