Tuesday, 11 January 1977
No news, no newspaper, no contact from outside, no medicines, no doctor. We get food and other articles from home, but no news, not even small chits of paper with the list of articles sent to us by our people. Total segregation. GM (Ganesh Man Singh) has a theory. He feels that since this condition can't be continued, this entire arrangement of our detention in Sundarijal is impromptu, suggesting that the king has a need to discuss things with us before final decision is taken about us. The strict isolation imposed on us is also indicative of the same policy. The army people in charge of us tell us that everything is improvised. This lends support to GM's theory.
Pant the camp commander (Major) says that he has instructions that all the rules of detention from the previous time will apply on this occasion also. He thought that we could write monthly letters and would be allowed to interview close (as defined by them on the previous occasion) relations on the second of each month according to Nepali calendar hoping that he is correct I wrote letters to Sushila and Prakash.
Today is 28th of Paus. Tomorrow I hand over the letter to the people, and by the next week latest they would be cleared by censor-if communication through letters would be permitted as per previous practice Major thinks that Rosa may not be allowed to interview me, she being not close enough in relationship with me according to their definition. She will have a secure special permission as she had done before. GM thinks that either interview will not take place at all or the king would see us before the second of Magh. GM is being consistent in this prognosis-his theory. I am not sure of anything so far as the palace is concerned. As a matter of fact the Major has been inducing me to write monthly letters.
In the evening Pradeep, GM's son brought some delicious cakes from Caf? de Park. Rosa sent my clothes after washing them. Inadvertently perhaps, the slip with the list of clothes sent was left in the bundle. The sight of Rosa's characteristic handwriting gave me some joy.
I have written a sentimental letter to Sushila. The thought that the letter would pass through various hands and the scrutiny of many people now fills me with some embarrassment. Expression of sentiments is considered to be privilege of an actor who is paid to express them in public. What is good and what is proper? To bottle up your feelings may be proper, but is it good (beneficial) to? What maybe manly is not necessarily good psychologically. You have perhaps to pay a heavy price in psychological terms to earn appreciation from the public. I have written to Prakash about how to manage household and education finance by disposing of the Biratnagar property and the ornaments of Sushila and Nanu. This letter is also embarrassing