Netra Regmi alias Comrade Umesh who took part in attacks in Bhojpur, Dhankuta, Terathum and Taplejung says he still has not understood 'Prachandapath'. "They tried to teach us but I couldn't understand what it was," he says. "The philosophical understanding within the party has become weak. If this grows among gun-toting party workers, arms management will be difficult to deal with." Comrade Umesh was the Maoist district secretary for Sankhuwasabha. Seven months ago, after he was wounded in an attack, doctors told him that his left hand might be paralysed. He admitted himself to a hospital and did not return to the party. He has not surrendered to the state either. Now, he wants to work as an independent leftist. During the Panchayat era, he was a student at the Nepal Law Campus. Later, he worked as a teacher in Sankhuwasabha and joined the UML. He became member of the District Development Committee but when the party broke up, he contacted the Maoists and began helping their committees in Sankhuwasabha and the eastern hill areas. "The democratic parties were corrupt but then the Maoists began to use arms. I did not want to work on the military front and opted to work with the administrative part, whenever questions arose, I had to answer. When attacks that were not in accordance with the party principles were carried out, I went to the people and asked for forgiveness." He has regrets. "I still want to die for my country but not that way. The mind must always be stronger than the gun." If he is guaranteed security, he says he will come out in the open. "I want to see the day when parties begin acting for the good of the common people, and letting them decide."