Nepali Times
ASS
Backside
Grin and bear it

ASS


So the grovelment has finally buckled under pressure of the extortionists to force colleges with English names to change their names to Nepali. Since the names of gods and goddesses like Saraswati and Lakshmi are already taken, schools will have to resort to using the names of demons: Rakshasa Medical School and Research Centre, Asura Academy, Mahisasura College of Management, etc. But what to do with existing colleges with established names? The solution may lie in turning the college names into the closest approximations to their Nepali counterparts according to this table:

Old Name New Name
Pentagon College Jangi Adda Kalejo
Lincoln College Koirala Collage of Mismanagement
King's College Rastrapati's College, Pvt Ltd
Elite Academy Awesome Academy and Bar
Chelsea International Manang Marsyangdi National
St Xavier's School Sri 3 Acharya Bal Krishna School
White House International College Baluwatar Antarik Bidyalaya
NASA School Sarba Nas School

Now that its days are numbered, the government has decided that the civil service should be more civil towards citizens. Instructions have gone out to all govt offices that employees will have to greet all visitors with smiles. The government will run special etiquette classes for cranky staff with laughter therapy so they can welcome those seeking services with a cheerful demeanour. But all this may backfire. A citizen who comes to complain about sewage coming out of his water pipe may not want a civil servant to be grinning all over the place.

***

For those of you who were wondering what all those chucka jams and half-assed bunds this week were all about, here is a quick summary. The NC, UML and Kiran Kaka's Kranticurries all want Babuji to step down from prime ministership. So the Youth Association Nepal terrorised the population, broke the windscreens of Maruti taxis, vandalised garbage collection trucks, set fire to random motorbikes, and harassed shopkeepers. Perfectly logical thing to do to bring down a govt. Works every time.

***

The trend of kangresi netas trooping off to the cooler continues unabated. The latest to be put behind bars is ex-education minister GR Joshi for siphoning off the education budget 15 years ago. The wheels of justice in Nepal may turn slowly, but they turn surely. Joshi was dashing off op-ed pieces about mismanagement in the education sector till a day before he was sent off to prison. And in the grand tradition of kangresis writing jail journals, Joshi will probably dash off a book or two as well by the time he comes out. As it is, it doesn't look like the NC has its act together to get into government any time soon (ask Kamred KP) so Joshi may as well salvage the situation, make things cosy for himself in his cell and catch up on the news with JP and the gang who are already in Bhadra Gaol.

***

It's not just VAT Bhateni and other private companies who are getting a free ride by evading taxes. Even the government is sucking the government dry. The Nepal Telecommunication Authority has cut all communication channels with Nepal Telecom over its refusal to pay 3 arabs it owes to NTA in royalty. Only in Nepal: NT is scamming the state, it is fleecing customers dry, it provides the shoddiest mobile service in the known world, and yet it distributes a fat bonus to its bloated staff.

***

Comrade Bum Dev says his Unfed Marxist-Leninist party is not willing to join the opposition bid to oust the BRB govt because "the people are confused at the moment and cannot make up their minds". Oh yeah? Go ahead, point the finger at the people again for your lack of gonads. Mr Leftist God then heaped blame on the monsoon rains for prolonging the Bhattarai grovelment, saying people are too busy planting rice to join a street movement at the moment. What next Kamred, are you going to blame your own party's flip-flopping on global warming?

***

And lastly, but not leastly, we can't let this week pass without another mention of Prof Mooney, who keeps revealing more dirty linen about India's support for the Maoists in their war against a democratic government in neighbouring Nepal. According to the good prof, BRB was thick as thieves with uncooked honcho Mr Horlicks and another handler (code name: Bournvita). So, is Mooney trying to embarrass the Baddies at the behest of powers-that-be in Dilli, or is he shooting his mouth off just to be noticed so that contributors of NNSD will have something to rage about?



1. Henny

Dear Ass, I am compelled to point out that your sexistly male-centric tendencies are leaking through again (see my previous comments at  http://www.nepalitimes.com/issue/2012/04/20/Backside/19208 and http://www.nepalitimes.com/issue/2012/04/27/Backside/19230).

Although both asses and she-donkeys have gonads, the context here ("lack of gonads") clearly suggests that male gonads are being referred to, and that the lack thereof implies weakness or inferiority. 

Actually the weakness seems to be needing to resort to sexist references for humour.  See how sexism is damaging and a pain for males too:  http://www.alternet.org/story/156194/what_about_the_men_why_our_gender_system_sucks_for_men%2C_too)

Ass, please strive harder at displaying values supporting principle of equality, I am sure the she-donkey in you knows how!



2. donkey

Grin and bear it

Italy outlaws 'you don't have the balls'

 

Highest appeals court rules it a crime to use phrase after case in which JP who had questioned existence of lawyer's testicles

 

John Hooper in Rome

Friday August 3 2012

guardian.co.uk

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/aug/02/italy-outlaws-no-balls-phrase




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