Nepali Times
ASS
Backside
Exporting revolution to America

ASS


Now, let me get this straight. Maoist ideologue-in-chief and prime minister Baburam Bhattarai goes to New York and delivers a lecture on Marxism, and the very next day there is a revolution in America. It's not Cuba that is exporting revolution to the US, but Nepal.

***

A bhumiputra muntri is accused of masterminding a murder last year, police finally have the intestinal fortitude to book him, but then his supporters (who happen to be from the prime minister's faction of the Baddies) declare a bund and shut down the East West Highway for two days and burn copies of newspapers that printed stories about the implicated minister. The road is finally opened when the charges are dropped and the minister's secretary pays 8 laks blood money to relatives. We hear the BRB govt is about get the prez to pardon his land reform minister.

***

Why are we surprised? Look at all the bizarre stuff that has been happening this silly season. PKD says he had "no choice" but to make BRB primordial minister, and then added satrically that it was "magic" his deputy became PM and not him. He'd probably pass a lie detector test on that one. In a not-so-subtle behind the scene move, Awesome (who has taken a vow not to criticize anyone for the next 45 days, which must be really stressful for him) has been getting his loyal fifth columnists to all have a go at BRB in the op-eds.

***

Then Healthy Minister Rajinder Mahato calls 50 or so scribes and Pharisees to his residence and gives them all envelopes with dasain greeting cards that also happen to contain 3-8 grand in hard cash. Sorry to say that the Venerable Ass was not included in this latest case of Envelopemental Journalism. Since Rajinder has been known to have done this sort of thing before, the story died down even though it transpired that the minister had actually taken the money out of the donor-funded communications budget of his ministry which is supposed to be used for public awareness campaigns to combat kala azar and diarrhoeal dehydration. And from the rest of the media there was studied silence on the fact that only three of the 50 hacks actually gave the money back.

Nothing new here, either. This government has been doling out money from the national coffers like there is no tomorrow. Forgotten earthquake victims are still waiting for aid to rebuild, but the "relief" that has been most promptly distributed has been the retroactively implemented increase in the compensation for war victims, and a hefty allowance raise for cantonment fighters. With the administration under Baddie control, one can easily guess where all this money is going to end up.

***

The plot thickens. Sarat sir, under pressure from the gruntled pure Madhesi faction within his party, suddenly becomes holier than the pope and says the 22 Tarai districts could secede. This unleashes a firestorm of outrage, but saves the defence minister his job. He tells the PM: "Look I had to do it to protect my backside." BRB understands perfectly because it all sounds really familiar to him.

***

Then a Mau Mau MP and BRB loyalist, who has actually been convicted of murder and sentenced to 20 years, is nearly pardoned by the cabinet. A Muslim leader is assassinated in broad daylight outside the Rani Pokhari police station, the culprits, as usual, are never caught. The PM tells a Muslim delegation (who relates this to the media later) he can't apprehend the assassin because of "pressure from a foreign country". Hmmm. With friends like these, the prime minister doesn't need any enemies.

***

Which must be why there is talk even within the Baddie circles that the party is about to suffer a vertical split between the "Indian Maoists" and the "Chinese Maoists". And Comrade Bigplop's Gang of Four have started calling BRB "Chief Minister Bhattarai".

***

Apologies to Kazi Narayan Kamred for having defamed him in the last episode of Backside by insinuating that he travelled business back from JFK when in fact he stewed in Proletariat Class. The man is great after all.



1. Rajaram
The best way to export revolution to America is to export our revolutionary Comrade Che  Babu Ram himself to USA. He will be the best contribution to enrich and make New United States of America from Nepal.
We have received billion in US Aid by now.
 Let us also make this humble beginning. in terms of Nepal Aids.
Nepal,s Contribution towards enriching  American  Architecture after the Statue of Liberty, a figure of BRB in the Central Park NYC as of Christ in the Rio.


2. Gole
Big -flop is partially right. Mukh Mantri is the correct title  for BRB pronounced  in the Lalu-Bihari style. It can be Mukyha Mantri a la Nepali style also.


3. who cares
bbc or cnn cracked a practical joke regarding bhutanese so called king.

it said "dont go after the traditional marriage ceremony of that guy, he is modern cause he is graduated from US".



are not most of the dictators or their children US (some Uk) graduate?




4. who cares
"...but then his supporters (who happen to be from the prime minister's faction of the Baddies) declare a bund and shut down the East West Highway for two days and burn copies of newspapers that printed stories about the implicated minister...."

maoist are here to show magic. let's take this another one of their magics. 


 "has been getting his loyal fifth columnists to all have a go at BRB in the op-eds."

does ass mean that guy who donated 5 lakh?....he will be mistaken if he thinks his sins will be washed with that 5 lakh. 

i heard this guy has always been supporting that gang who ever came into power through some kind of revolution.  he once supported NC after they defeated ranas, then he went on to support mandalas after mandalas coup now it maoist turn..

he even got scholarship meant for poor for supporting mandalas. 


5. murkha nepali
Condolences to Hon. ASS for not being included in the gang of  "Envelopemental Journalists"aka 'yellow hacks'. This stinks of biggest discrimination ever.Shouldn't we file a case in the court against discrimination?Lets find some pro bono lawyer for you.
And Hon. ASS did you find out if DisHon. Apurti Mahato addressed  the Constitutional requirement of "Inclusion" in his generosity. Did his generosity cover 33% Females and Dalits and Janajatis and Madhesis ? If not, its an infraction of law and can only be recompensed by inviting these 'marginalized ones' reverently and present them with this "envelop" plus compensation for forgetting them.
By and by, why so critical about Apurti Mahato?Why waste the hard earned "alms" on some fruitless " public awareness campaigns to combat kala azar and diarrhoeal dehydration" when Almighty Kala azar is himself in the comfy seat of Health Minister? Don't you think that's enough of an earnest campaign.If some dough is left after undiscriminated inclusive distribution, Mukh Mantri BRB gonna give a huge Chiya-Pan.Cross fingers that you may be graced with an invitation this time.
And lastly Hon. ASS a word of advice, if I may- take proper  care of  your fingers, will ya?Apurti Mahato's on the prowl!


6. DG
Good shot. But Blow Job not the proper title as the kids are blowing the balloon. Matured ones in the background would have justified the tile.
The Minister of Health should have blown the whistle.
 



7. Gopeswornath
Hi Ass ,
Perhaps You have Gone mad Visit my nursing home in Janakpur.At least more than 1000000 ( one million )people are engaged and sharp decline in insurgency observed in nation due to this word Revolution only.
If we export it to America many will be hopeless and Job less. see many Donors from European  Union & other Part of World attracted to build new Nepal.
Very hardly our Great neighbor convinced to provide soft loan of $ 1 billion ,if you Export  big difference will come in high ranking politician including me.
Stop your Idea and Generate Revolution , Tharu, Muslim, madhesi, bahun like more so that more people will join & unemployment level will decrease. In coming census many will write Politician in their profile.. like Narayan Man jayaPu, Mr. Kunada Dixit   Or You ASS


8. who cares
can ASS fire laser with your eyes? 

cause your service is needed in the far west to fight indians attacking nepalese since our, the most capable brave patriot, pm bhatterai is uninterested in tiny tiny matter.  





may be indians are just testing this bhatterai before his visit?

bhatterai's silence over bhandari's remark means this bhatterai would keep quiet to protect his post, he is ready to sacrifice national interest over his newly found position. so indians could approach with something that could harm nepal.



bhatterai's inaction regarding ssb's attack means bhatterai is coward so indians could push for those agendas which is normally seen as offensive by nepalese. 



and congrats, you have passed the tests. 






9. Kale Rai
 Export Kiran Baidya and C P Gajurel to USA and they are most wanted there. This will be our loss but US,s gain. Viva Revulution.
In return we can ask for huge amount of aid for our development. We can live in  peace  there after.


10. Carlos
These all stupid thinkers and commentaters have nothing to say than lamenting on goverment, bickering about people's war and become depressed by their own choice. But personally i feel there is a lot of optimism in our country as BRB have become our favourite primemininster , and will stay so for next 10 years... ...Literally these cheap publishers  are killing thousands of people with these propogandas...


LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


ADVERTISEMENT



himalkhabar.com            

NEPALI TIMES IS A PUBLICATION OF HIMALMEDIA PRIVATE LIMITED | ABOUT US | ADVERTISE | SUBSCRIPTION | PRIVACY POLICY | TERMS OF USE | CONTACT